I first learned about the concept of “ghosting” after separating from my ex-husband. The very first man I dated after that was wonderful—until one day he just disappeared without explanation. It was painful, and I quickly realized the dating world could be quite harsh. However, the emotional toll I felt from being ghosted by a man was nothing compared to the heartache that came when my young son was left behind by his biological father.
When I decided to leave my husband, I was optimistic, despite knowing our marriage was filled with turmoil. I genuinely believed that my ex cared deeply for his son and envisioned a co-parenting arrangement where we would both prioritize our child’s well-being. I was wrong. The moment he vanished from our son’s life, that fantasy shattered.
He reappeared briefly, pleading to relinquish his parental rights. He harassed me, my family, and even my lawyer. In the end, he walked away, leaving a 5-year-old boy who looked up to him in utter confusion and heartbreak.
The ensuing months were nothing short of hell. My son experienced night terrors, waking up in a panic, crying for his “Daddy” to return. I would hold him tight, trying to soothe his fears while my heart broke for him. We sought therapy to help him process this loss, but each visit meant reliving the pain. I often found myself breaking down in hallways, overwhelmed by the reality we were facing.
I developed severe anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. Simple triggers, like a familiar ringtone or someone at the door, could send me into a panic. I felt an overwhelming sadness—not just for my own loss but for my child’s suffering. One day, he asked me, “Does Daddy love his girlfriend more than me? Is that why he won’t come around?” How do you answer such a painful question from a child?
My son’s anger turned many of our friends against me, though I chose to focus on healing rather than fighting battles I didn’t have the energy for. Over time, those friends recognized the truth and returned to our side. I worked hard to maintain connections with his biological father’s family, who still loved him, despite his father’s absence. We have since repaired that relationship, but sharing the hurtful messages I received during that time took a toll on all involved.
Fear lingered that his father might return again, just as he had before. We did our best to establish stability—keeping teachers and counselors informed and alerting them to any signs of distress.
As time passed and my son began to lighten his emotional load, my boyfriend, who had supported us through this painful journey, moved in. Surprisingly, my son started calling him “Papa” and even referred to him as “basically my stepdad.” We continued to nurture relationships with his extended family, ensuring he was surrounded by love, just without his biological father.
Now, I’ve grown wiser to the realities of life. In February, exactly one year after the last time he reached out, a judge granted my request to terminate his parental rights, allowing me sole custody of my son.
Father’s Day inevitably brings a mix of emotions, and I often hope his biological father reflects on the son he abandoned. Meanwhile, my son is thriving. He remembers the men who stepped into the void left by his father—those who actively participate in his life, attending soccer games, teaching him to fish, and swimming with him during summer.
Recently, as we drove to his last day of school, he brought up Father’s Day, mentioning the cards they practiced making. When he said, “I love my daddy because daddy loves me,” my heart broke. He had always referred to his biological father as “Daddy.” I deftly redirected the conversation, suggesting we do something for “Papa” since he’s like a dad. It was then that my heart soared as he declared, “But Momma, Papa is my daddy. The card is for him.”
In the end, we are healing, and my son knows he is loved.
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Summary
The author recounts the painful experience of her young son being abandoned by his father and the subsequent emotional turmoil. Through therapy and support, they navigate the challenges, ultimately finding healing and love through new family dynamics.
Keyphrase: Abandonment by father
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