When I was five years old, news of my parents’ divorce hit me like a ton of bricks. It was difficult to grasp the positives of such a significant change. As a child, I resisted change fiercely. However, with time, I came to realize that their separation was beneficial for both of them, and, surprisingly, for me.
Let’s raise a glass to divorce! Yes, thank you for the perks.
One of the most delightful surprises I discovered post-divorce was the concept of having two of everything – two Christmases! If only my parents had led with that little gem when they broke the news, I might have taken it all in stride.
Any kid will tell you that two Christmases, two birthdays, two Easters, and so on are a dream come true. The best part? When both parents feel a bit guilty and are each trying to outdo the other in gift-giving, it’s a win-win situation. If you think I was a spoiled child, well, I was five, and yes, I was. But let’s not dwell on that; let’s get to the heart of the matter.
As I matured, the thrill of double celebrations faded. Toys lost their charm, and I became a little less self-centered. Fast forward to today, and the reality of having my own children has turned those double holidays into a logistical nightmare. Every holiday, birthday, and milestone requires careful navigation to accommodate my parents.
And it doesn’t stop there. My husband, Jake, has parents too. We decided that alternating holidays between our families would be best, but carting a newborn around for meals and festivities wasn’t what I signed up for. So we drew the line.
Now that my kids, Lucy and Max, are 2 and 4, things have become even more complicated. At family weddings, I often find myself trying to balance my time between both parents, ensuring they both feel equally valued. They might not be counting, but the pressure has me gliding between them like a pro on the dance floor, all while my kids enjoy double desserts.
My father lives out of state, which brings its own challenges. He sees Lucy and Max infrequently, while my mom enjoys a closer relationship with them, often inviting them for sleepovers or FaceTiming. When my father visits, he gets the spotlight. But when his trips coincide with special occasions, like my daughter’s recent birthday, it’s a juggling act. I make sure not to post too much on social media to avoid making either parent feel left out.
Instead of throwing one massive party, we now have a series of small gatherings over weeks. Everyone feels included, and I’m left exhausted but relieved. Two birthdays? Sure, but it’s not as glamorous as it sounds!
Sometimes, I contemplate keeping celebrations small and intimate, just for my little family, to avoid the awkwardness of having both parents in the same space. It’s an odd discomfort I carry alone because my parents are civil; they don’t put any pressure on me. But after years of them rarely being together, it feels strange when they are.
Occasionally, the stress of planning multiple events leads me to throw my hands up and think, “Let’s just keep things simple!” Sure, it may mean less fun, but it also means less hassle, and sometimes easy is good.
In my quest to ensure neither parent feels neglected, I often end up unintentionally sidelining both. They miss out on moments with their grandkids, and I miss out on the joy of the celebrations. You’d think that once you grow up, the complexities of divorce would fade, but they seem to multiply as I navigate my own parenting journey. At least my therapist has job security!
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In summary, having divorced parents was never a complicated affair until I had kids of my own. Now, the logistics of celebrations and parental dynamics can feel overwhelming, but I continue to navigate this path, one holiday at a time.
Keyphrase: managing divorced parents with kids
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