Updated: Jan. 28, 2021
Originally Published: June 9, 2017
Amid the chorus of laughter, juice boxes, and the occasional scrape, I find myself back at the playground once again. This place is like a melting pot of parenting styles and personalities. You’ve got the little ones, cute yet perilously adventurous, and the older kids, who are delightfully savvy.
And then there’s my little one. The “shy” one.
The playground has served as a refuge since my daughter was an infant. What began as a simple outing evolved into a crucial part of her social journey. From the age of 2 to around 4, my daughter exhibited extreme shyness. We’re talking about hiding behind me and covering her face whenever friends or even family approached her. It was concerning, to say the least.
Birthday parties were a whole different battlefield. Whenever the “Happy Birthday” song played, she would scream as if in genuine terror, often derailing the celebration entirely. It got to the point where I avoided parties altogether, which was both embarrassing and disheartening.
Then there were the unsolicited remarks from well-meaning bystanders suggesting that my daughter might have autism or Asperger’s due to her occasional lack of eye contact. That was a tough pill to swallow. Our pediatrician, however, reassured us that she was simply very shy. So, I committed to our playground visits, believing they would help her social skills. We went two or three times a week, making it our ritual. Since she wasn’t in daycare or school, the playground became her training ground for interaction, sharing, and conversation with peers.
Gradually, my daughter began making friends. Playdates emerged, and she slowly started to shed her shyness. At 4, she entered preschool. The first few days were filled with her characteristic shyness, filling me with worry. Yet, something clicked after that first week. She transformed into a happy, outgoing child, making friends left and right. While she still had her moments of shyness, they were nothing compared to before. Now, she thrives.
The transformation has been remarkable. Now, when we visit the playground, she eagerly approaches every child, asking them to play. It’s a complete turnaround.
So, what’s the takeaway here?
Having navigated the challenges of my daughter’s behavior, I often encounter fellow parents who share similar concerns. They are anxious and troubled because their child is “too shy” or “won’t engage with others.” My heart goes out to them because I’ve walked that path.
The anxiety these parents feel isn’t just about dealing with a child who clings to them or struggles to make friends; it’s compounded by the judgmental comments from friends and family. They often hear things like, “What’s wrong with them? Is this typical? Maybe you should seek help.” To those who make such remarks, perhaps it’s best to keep those thoughts to yourself.
Remember, you never know what a parent is facing behind closed doors. Every parent has their own struggles, and they’re already carrying enough weight without unsolicited opinions added on. If a parent reaches out for advice, feel free to share; otherwise, it’s best to stay quiet.
Most parents are acutely aware if their child isn’t developing as expected and are likely already working on solutions, losing sleep over it in the process. In our case, my daughter blossomed from her shyness, but not all kids do. Some may require additional support.
But that’s not my concern. For us, all we needed was a playground and some time.
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In summary, shyness in children is a common struggle, and it’s important to approach it with understanding and patience. Every child is unique, and while some may grow out of their shyness, others might need more time and support.
Keyphrase: “shy children and parenting”
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