From kindergarten through 11th grade, my mother was an active member of the PTA, often serving as its president. While I appreciate her dedication, as I stepped into motherhood, I made a conscious choice not to replicate her path.
As a stay-at-home mom with only me to focus on, she was always available to chaperone school trips or volunteer for events like bake sales. Her presence at school was constant; she’d drop me off and then appear throughout my day, always involved.
It was fine until fifth grade when a group of girls accused me of receiving favoritism because my mother was so present. They believed that my role in the school play was less about my talent and more about my mom’s volunteerism. That hurt, leaving a cloud of doubt over my achievements for years. All my awards and accolades felt tainted, as if they were solely attributed to her influence rather than my effort.
As I moved through junior high, I struggled with resentment, unable to articulate my feelings. I didn’t want my mom to think I didn’t value her support, but it felt like she was overshadowing my social life. By high school, I came to terms with her intentions. She was trying to ensure I had the best education possible, and I got that. But I often wished she could help from a distance. What I wouldn’t have given to be a typical high school student without the fear of running into her during lunch or having teachers report my absences to her (yes, that really happened).
There were moments I appreciated her involvement, like when she fought to get our favorite history teacher reinstated after an unjust firing. But then I found myself caught in the middle of a conflict between her and the principal. That experience led her to finally step back, and by then, I had made a promise to myself—when I became a parent, I would do things differently.
Now that my son is approaching school age, I’m faced with the decision of how involved I want to be in his education. As a work-from-home mom with a flexible schedule, I’m more than willing to chaperone school trips or bake goodies for events. However, I plan to do what my mother never did: I’ll check in with my son to gauge his feelings about my presence. Kids can be tough sometimes, and they’ll find anything to tease each other about. If I can control it, I want to validate his feelings by giving him the space he may need.
I won’t impose myself into his experiences simply because it’s expected. Given my own background, I realize he might not express his true feelings openly, so I’ll pay attention to the subtle signs that indicate whether he enjoys my involvement or if he’d prefer I take a step back. My parents didn’t ask me how I felt about my mom’s constant presence until I was an adult, and by then, it was too late to change anything.
Being active in my son’s education is essential. I will never be inattentive or take his schooling for granted. I’ll always be available if he needs support and ensure that educators recognize my involvement in his life. I want to be his biggest supporter while also allowing him to develop his own identity within the school setting. Maybe I don’t need to attend every school event or sit in on every PTA meeting. Running for a position on the board? Definitely not my style. But I’ll make it clear that I’m here if they need assistance.
I don’t want my identity as a parent to be completely intertwined with my son’s school experience. I don’t want him to be known as the kid whose mom is always around, unless he genuinely wants me to be there. While I appreciate my mom’s commitment to my education, I refuse to be a shadow in my son’s memories. I want him to understand that I will always champion him and fight for him when necessary, but he also deserves the autonomy to establish boundaries regarding my involvement.
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In summary, as I embark on the journey of parenthood, I’m determined to create a supportive environment for my son while respecting his personal space. I want him to thrive independently, knowing I’m always his biggest advocate without being the overbearing presence I experienced.
Keyphrase: parenting choices
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