I recently experienced the end of a friendship that meant a great deal to me. Ending a friendship is tough, especially when it involves a person I connected with during my journey into motherhood, and our families were closely knit. The whole situation shook me deeply because I had entrusted her with my most cherished treasures — my kids. She was the first true friend I made after becoming a mom, and we shared experiences that I hadn’t revealed to anyone else. Having gone through the challenges of raising children together, we formed a bond that felt almost sacred.
As I reflect on the breakdown of our friendship, I realize I may have been too casual about my choices in friends since becoming a mom. The reality is, I often felt isolated in my parenting journey, leading me to bond with anyone I felt an instant connection with. I didn’t stop to consider, “Is this someone I genuinely want in my life, and more importantly, in my children’s lives?”
I almost feel ashamed to admit that I was naive, believing that the shared experience of motherhood alone could sustain a friendship. The truth is, there’s so much more to consider. I can’t just be friends with someone because we both have kids, share a glass of wine, and our children go to the same preschool. I need more than that, and I deserve it.
Are you sincere?
This is a major concern for me. I won’t tolerate dishonesty in any form. While you don’t owe me explanations about your life choices, if you choose to share personal details, please keep them truthful. I want the real you, not a version crafted to gain my approval. I value honesty, especially when something is bothering you. At 37, I don’t have the time or energy to play guessing games. If you’re upset, let me know directly. I deserve the opportunity to address it, apologize, or clarify any misunderstandings.
Will you hold me accountable, and will you accept accountability from me?
None of us are perfect; sometimes, we need a wake-up call. That’s what friends are for! It’s easy to be there for happy occasions like weddings and baby showers, but true friendship shows up during difficult times such as loss, divorce, or mental health struggles. I need to know that we can have those tough conversations and support each other through life’s challenges.
Are you authentic?
I don’t do superficiality, and I expect the same from you. You’ll likely hear about my deepest secrets on our first playdate because I want to gauge if you can handle the genuine me. I’m an open book, which is both a blessing and a curse. I have baggage and a past that I’m vocal about. My family isn’t perfect, my marriage isn’t flawless, and my kids are far from ideal. If you prefer shallow friendships, then we probably won’t connect.
Do we share similar parenting philosophies?
While I acknowledge that I am more than just a mom, parenting is currently my top priority, and it’s essential that we align in this area. Do we value similar things as parents? How do our parenting styles complement each other? It may sound dull to seek out friends who mirror my values, but I need to know certain things. For instance, do you ensure your kids are kind, or do you excuse their bad behavior? If I see you allowing your child to bully others while you sip your wine, it’s a dealbreaker. Safety comes first, and I need to know that you prioritize being a parent over being a friend.
Are you a genuinely good person?
Do you let others merge into your lane during traffic, or do you speed up and give a rude gesture? Do you perform random acts of kindness, or do you ignore those in need? I consider myself a humanitarian and will do whatever I can to help others, even if it means inconvenience for me. If this doesn’t sit well with you, we might not be a match. I’m also passionate about animal rights; there was a period when I had seven feral cats in my home, trying to save them from euthanasia. If you understand my purpose, then we’ll resonate with each other.
Do you enjoy tearing other women down?
If your conversations revolve around criticizing other moms for their appearances or choices, we won’t get along. I prefer light-hearted gossip over malicious talk about others. My children learn from my actions, and I’m dedicated to raising compassionate individuals. Certain words like “fat” or “ugly” have no place in my home, and I need to know we align on this.
Are you straightforward?
If you’re busy, just say so. If you can’t make it to an event I’m hosting, be upfront about it. I’m not a mind reader and don’t have the time or energy to decipher your feelings. Trust me, I’m completely fine if you need to back out of plans. I have plenty on my plate and would welcome a quiet night at home.
If all of this sounds overwhelming, I understand. I’ve been down this road before and want to eliminate any ambiguity. I want you to know what to expect from our friendship. If you’re on board with all of the above, you’ll find a loyal friend for life.
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In summary, I am looking for friendships that are built on honesty, mutual accountability, authenticity, shared values in parenting, kindness, and straightforwardness. If you believe you can offer these qualities, let’s connect!
Keyphrase: meaningful friendships in motherhood
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