I used to obsess over not yelling at my kids. Honestly, if there was one thing that caused me the most guilt a few years back, it was raising my voice at them daily. I fought hard against that impulse, feeling like I was wrestling with a beast every single day. Thankfully, I’ve made significant progress—I rarely yell now, and I’m quite proud of that achievement.
However, as my children grow older, I’ve noticed a new hurdle emerging in my parenting style: my tone of voice has become dreadful. I find myself sounding annoyed, snappy, and often speaking through clenched teeth. My kids are now at the age where they can manage many tasks independently, yet they still complain and argue over trivial matters like shower time and bedtime.
Let me tell you, parenting doesn’t necessarily get easier; it just evolves. Currently, I’m navigating the challenging waters of dealing with tweens and nearly kindergarteners who seem to think they run the show.
We once visited a family with four kids, and I was blown away by how helpful the older two—around 12 and 10—were. They entertained their younger siblings, checked if we needed anything, and even helped their mom cook. I couldn’t help but point this out to my kids during our ride home, marveling at their politeness.
Don’t get me wrong; my kids aren’t brats. They’re genuinely good kids! But we seem to be stuck in a cycle of annoyance. They hate packing their lunches, and I hate how long it takes them while they whine the whole time. It’s the same story when it’s time for showers or the never-ending bedtime routine. We’re all just trying to coexist in our cozy home, yet everyone is on edge.
The truth is, my tone of voice reflects that frustration, and I worry it’s negatively impacting our family dynamic. It feels like we’re knee-deep in an “annoyed phase”—everyone’s sensitive, pre-hormonal, and battling for their personal space, whether it’s air space or screen time.
So instead of yelling, I’m left with a voice laced with annoyance. I’m holding my breath, striving to stay calm, but it’s coming out as irritation. What good is it to stop yelling if we’re all still snapping at each other by day’s end?
I’m trying something new: not only to refrain from yelling but also to ensure that I don’t sound grouchy. Parenting is a constant learning curve. Just when you manage one aspect, your kids hit a new stage with hormones kicking in, and your patience dwindles.
I’ve made it this far, and I refuse to give up. I want my family to communicate with kindness and respect. I dream of us saying “please” and “thank you,” helping each other out instead of playing the blame game, especially when accidents happen—like that time someone spilled orange juice all over the counter.
I long for a home where we genuinely like each other, just as much as we love each other. And to be honest, I fear that my tone might be to blame. Motherhood has tested my patience more than I ever anticipated. I thought I was patient until my first child turned two, and since then, I’ve been on this journey of learning—learning to be patient, learning to not yell, and now learning to ensure my tone conveys love and respect.
I want our home to radiate warmth and kindness instead of tension and irritation. I’m giving it my all, hoping my family notices my efforts. I want them to feel appreciated rather than criticized. I hope they see my patience during their chaotic moments. We love each other deeply, and we just need to act like it.
Ultimately, the responsibility of fostering a positive home environment starts with me, and I’m trying my hardest—even when it hurts.
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