“Don’t worry, you’ll feel better soon,” they say, giving you a light pat on the back. “This will all blow over.”
You nod along, avoiding their gaze out of sheer politeness. But deep down, you know it’s not that simple. You’re grappling with thoughts of self-harm, feeling as though the world might be better off without you. Just getting out of bed is a monumental task, let alone dressing up, going to work, or maintaining relationships. When someone tosses out a casual “you’ll be fine,” it trivializes your immense suffering. It dismisses the reality of mental illness, which is just as legitimate as physical ailments. It’s akin to telling a child with a broken leg to simply “walk it off.” Like that child, you can’t just shake it off.
Many people love to insist that “it could be worse.” Partners say it to each other, friends offer it up, and educated individuals might think they’re helping. They say this because they want to believe that “not that bad” is the norm, and from their stable, anxiety-free perspectives, it might be true. The world doesn’t feel like it’s crumbling to them; they don’t see it as an endless cycle of dread where every day requires mental preparation for the worst-case scenarios. They want you to share in their perception.
But for those of us struggling, this is what we hear when someone says “it’s not that bad”: Your feelings are invalid. You start to feel more worthless because you believe that your pain is just a misunderstanding. If only you could think clearly, you’d see that life isn’t as bleak as it feels — that you could escape the crushing weight of despair. But mental illness is a legitimate condition; no one advises someone with diabetes to simply think positively about their blood sugar levels.
When people learn of your mental health challenges, some try to warn you about medication, claiming it alters your personality or supports big pharmaceutical companies. Ironically, these life-saving prescriptions from your well-qualified psychiatrist are what you need the most. “Have you considered spending time outdoors?” they suggest. “Exercise has many benefits!” But when you’re trapped in a pit of sadness, even moving from the bed to the couch feels impossible.
We would never tell someone to stop their chemotherapy treatments. So why should psychiatric medications receive any less respect? They can be lifesaving.
Another common offender is the phrase, “Everyone has bad days.” This implies that your experience is just a fleeting moment of sadness that will vanish overnight. It suggests you should simply toughen up, like everyone else does. But they don’t have a debilitating condition that can persist for months or years, one that might make them contemplate dangerous actions or feel paralyzed by anxiety. No, not everyone experiences these extreme feelings. If they did, they would likely need professional help.
“You just need to think positively,” might be the worst advice of all. It insinuates that positive thinking alone can fix everything. People with depression can’t simply will their way out of it any more than someone with appendicitis can. Expecting someone with a mental health condition to just “think better” is not just unrealistic; it also places blame on them for their struggles.
It’s essential to recognize that mental illness is a complex interplay of brain chemistry that often requires medication for effective treatment. While cognitive behavioral therapy can help, it doesn’t work for everyone on its own. So unless you’re a qualified therapist equipped to guide specific thought processes, it’s best to refrain from suggesting a positive mindset. Such comments only serve to minimize the daily pain that those with mental illnesses endure.
Well-intentioned though they may be, these phrases add to the suffering. They imply that your pain is insignificant, that it’s your fault, and that you should just try harder to feel better. This is cruel and unjust. Until we acknowledge that mental illness deserves the same level of empathy and treatment as physical ailments, this tendency to downplay will persist. Those who care about you may not mean to hurt, but their approach often lacks the understanding needed to offer real support.
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In summary, mental illness is a serious condition that warrants understanding and compassion. We must strive to support one another in meaningful ways, recognizing that everyone’s experience is unique and often requires specialized care.
Keyphrase: mental illness support
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