A few weeks ago, my son Leo went on a field trip to our state museum. When I arrived to pick him up, his teacher pulled me aside to share a little story. During their visit, the kids were given stone shards to carve into arrowheads, and Leo ended up with an impressively large piece. A little girl beside him expressed her hope that one just like it would be available for her. Without a moment’s hesitation, Leo handed over his shard to her. While I share this partly to boast about his generosity, it also serves as a reminder that I’m raising a child who embraces opportunities to show compassion and understanding. He thrives on kindness and enjoys uplifting others.
In that moment, he chose to give up something special so that his friend could have a memorable experience, even at the cost of his own enjoyment. I believe she will remember this act and, in time, may pay it forward, having felt the warmth of unexpected kindness.
Now, it’s true that Leo has a naturally generous spirit. He is sensitive and empathetic, often getting his feelings hurt easily or struggling to articulate what’s bothering him. For some, this might signal that he is “too soft” and in need of tough love to prepare for the “real world.” However, I strongly disagree with that viewpoint, and I will not impose it on my son.
I refuse to try to harden him for what lies ahead.
As a child, I often heard the advice to toughen up or to remain silent about significant issues. Many of us can relate to being told to just deal with our feelings, which can be incredibly dismissive and damaging. It’s vital to me that I foster an environment of open dialogue with my children. This doesn’t mean allowing them to complain excessively about trivial matters, like not getting the biggest slice of cake at a birthday party. Instead, I encourage them to express their emotions freely, whether they feel hurt, sad, angry, or even excited. I firmly believe in processing feelings in a healthy way rather than burying them, as bottling emotions can lead to resentment.
We can raise children who are caring and compassionate, teaching them that expressing emotions does not equate to weakness. When they observe us holding doors open, volunteering, donating to charity, or buying a meal for someone alone at a restaurant, they absorb these lessons. However, they also pick up on it when we tell them to simply toughen up or shake off their discomfort. When they come to us with their concerns—no matter how minor we might perceive them—it’s essential to acknowledge their feelings and guide them through their struggles. By allowing them safe spaces to process emotions, we teach them valuable coping mechanisms. The more we practice dealing with our feelings instead of donning emotional armor, the better equipped we become.
Life will inevitably bring pain, hurt, and challenging situations; this is perhaps the most difficult aspect of parenting. I want my children to learn how to navigate these hurdles in a proactive, healthy manner. Toughening them up to take a hit without flinching or promoting the idea that “acting tough” is what’s cool sends a harmful message that their feelings are something to be ashamed of. This can lead to unhealthy repressed emotions, which may resurface later in damaging ways.
If children are conditioned to suppress their feelings, they grow into adults who struggle to empathize with others. They may find it challenging to assist someone else in pain because they lack the tools to manage their own feelings. It stifles their capacity to show compassion.
When we cultivate children who naturally extend love and kindness—who genuinely care about the feelings of others because theirs have been valued—we are gifting the world something truly precious. It all begins with a simple act, like sharing a larger arrowhead with a friend.
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Summary
In a world that often pressures us to toughen up, one mother chooses to foster emotional openness and compassion in her children. Instead of promoting the idea that vulnerability equals weakness, she emphasizes the importance of processing feelings healthily. By teaching her kids to embrace kindness and empathy, she believes they can grow into caring adults who navigate challenges with resilience.
Keyphrase: Parenting with Compassion
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