There’s nothing quite like hearing those dreaded words from a preschool teacher: “Could we chat for a moment… in private?” My heart sinks as I follow Ms. Carter out of the playroom where my daughter is happily engaged with her friends. Meanwhile, other parents stroll by, their cheerful conversations ringing in my ears as I lean against the wall, caught between a toy cart and a squeaky bike.
“We had an incident today involving biting,” she says, and the sympathetic expression on her face makes it clear that my little one is the culprit. I stand there, frozen and flustered, unsure of what to say. My youngest, Lily, is the first of my kids to bite someone, and it hits me hard. The embarrassment I feel is more intense than when one of my children throws a tantrum in the grocery store. It’s not just shock; it’s a wave of shame washing over me.
How did I end up with a child who bites? What am I doing wrong?
Parenting often brings moments that make you feel like you’ve failed, regardless of all the love and effort you’ve poured into raising your kids. For toddlers, biting is right up there with the most shocking behaviors they can exhibit, alongside other “unthinkables” of childhood.
Despite Lily being a caring little girl—who knows her manners, shares well, and eats her veggies—she is now branded as “The Biter,” and I am branded as “The Biter’s Mom.” It’s a tough pill to swallow.
When your child exhibits such behavior, it feels like an ultimate parenting failure. We tend to view our kids’ actions as a reflection of our parenting skills. A simple misstep, whether it’s forgetting to say “thank you” or, in this case, using teeth instead of words, can lead to feelings of inadequacy. My daughters have certainly done things I’ve explicitly told them not to do.
As someone who has navigated the parenting waters for a while now, I understand that when kids act out, it often signals they’re struggling with their emotions or testing boundaries. They may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or simply unable to articulate their feelings.
Rationally, I know that biting is a typical behavior for toddlers, as they’re still mastering language, social skills, and self-regulation. It’s a lot to handle for a little person! According to the American Psychological Association, this type of behavior is quite normal in children under three. However, that knowledge doesn’t ease the embarrassment I feel, and I’m sure the other child’s mom feels similarly.
Society has a way of imposing standards that can feel impossible to meet. We all strive to raise well-behaved children, but sometimes toddlers act more like wild animals than civilized beings.
Gathering my thoughts, I finally manage to apologize to Ms. Carter. I explain that we emphasize communication with our kids at home, hoping to show her I’m a caring parent. I can’t help but ask how the incident happened—was Lily provoked? I want to defend both her and myself.
Ms. Carter shares that while lining up, Lily was accidentally pushed from behind, causing her to lose balance, and then another child shoved her back. Frustrated, she reacted with her teeth rather than her words. While it’s nice to have some context, it doesn’t erase the shame I feel.
When I return to the playroom, I find Lily engrossed in building a block tower. “Mama!” she exclaims, burying her face in my leg. “I was sad today.”
“I know, sweetheart,” I reply, stroking her hair. Though I feel guilty about her actions, I don’t want to transfer my shame onto her. She’s a sweet little girl, still in the process of understanding her emotions. My role is to guide her with love and help her learn better ways to express herself.
As for me, I still have to make that phone call to the other child’s mom. A little understanding from fellow parents can go a long way in easing our own burdens.
If you’re navigating similar issues with your toddler, you might find valuable insights in our other blog posts, such as exploring DIY options with a baby maker home kit or checking out Cryobaby’s home insemination kits for more parenting resources.
For additional guidance, the Mayo Clinic provides excellent resources on child behavior and development. Remember, parenting is a journey filled with ups and downs, and we’re all in it together.
Summary
Handling a biting incident with your toddler can evoke feelings of shame and embarrassment, but understanding the developmental reasons behind such behavior can help ease those feelings. It’s essential to guide your child with kindness and patience as they learn to express their emotions.
Keyphrase: toddler biting behavior
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