For the initial eight years of my parenting journey, I was a full-time stay-at-home mom. I dabbled in part-time work as a breastfeeding advisor and lactation consultant, primarily on weekends. While I cherished that role, it didn’t exactly provide a break from my children — hello, adorable screaming infants and emotional new mothers!
In recent years, I transitioned to a freelance writing career from home. As my youngest child began school, I found myself spending increasing amounts of time in my “office” (a.k.a. my bedroom) typing away. This shift is not a break from parenting; it’s a serious commitment that involves research, communication with editors, and producing quality work. Yet, it grants me about 20 hours a week in a tranquil space (I’m not the kind of writer who can work with background noise) away from my kids, and oh my goodness, it feels like heaven.
Isn’t it funny how we often fail to recognize how challenging things are until they improve? Reflecting on those first eight years of parenting, I realize how drained I truly was. Yes, being a stay-at-home mom was my dream, and I signed up for it wholeheartedly. However, the constant demands and intensity often left me feeling overwhelmed and depleted. By 5 p.m., I was completely spent. It wasn’t merely the sleepless nights that come with young children; it was more about sensory overload and the feeling of losing my own identity amidst the chaos of motherhood.
A few years back, I discovered Dr. Elaine Aron’s work on Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). When I read her description of HSPs, it was like a light bulb switched on in my mind. That was me, without a doubt, and it clarified many of the struggles I faced throughout my life and my parenting years.
Highly sensitive individuals can easily become overwhelmed by their environments—bright lights, loud noises, and bustling spaces can feel unbearable. They often require retreats, especially in social situations, and typically prefer solitude. Given that relentless, chaotic life of parenthood, it’s no wonder HSPs can find it unbearable!
Early on in my parenting journey, I recognized that planning numerous playdates or social activities wasn’t my style. I made a conscious effort to prioritize nap times and evenings as moments for my own quietness. I rarely tackled household chores during those times and almost never ventured out after dark, choosing instead to revel in the serene silence of my sleeping home.
In many ways, I managed to navigate parenting as a sensitive soul, ensuring I carved out time for self-care. But I now understand that those small moments weren’t nearly enough. I require several hours a day of uninterrupted, total quiet and alone time just to maintain my sanity. I need space to process, reflect, and decompress—far more than what you get as a mom on duty 24/7.
While I do miss my full-time mommy days for various reasons (especially the sweet memories of when my kids were babies), I also recognize that the balance I’ve achieved now is healthier for my mental and emotional well-being. Some mothers thrive on the full-time, all-hands-on-deck approach, and that’s fantastic for them. But I’ve realized that I’m not cut out for that long-term.
Instead of suppressing my sensitivity or questioning its validity, I’ve learned to embrace and celebrate these traits. My ability to absorb my surroundings is a gift (it’s likely why I became a writer). It allows me to be deeply attuned to my children’s needs, regardless of whether I’m with them all the time.
Even with the balance I’ve established, I occasionally need to retreat from the chaos of family life, and my kids understand this about me. “I just need some silence,” I’ll tell them as I slip away to meditate for a few moments. They’re beginning to accept this necessity, and I hope to teach them that prioritizing one’s needs isn’t a weakness but a strength.
Every mother faces unique challenges, and it can be tough to prioritize your own needs, especially during the demanding early days of motherhood. However, feeling overwhelmed and stressed benefits no one—neither you nor your children. The undeniable truth is that maintaining your mental health is one of the most crucial things you can do as a mother. Acknowledging what you need to feel balanced and happy is a vital first step, and making those needs a priority will ultimately benefit everyone in the long run.
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In summary, as a highly sensitive person, daily alone time isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity for my well-being. Understanding my unique sensitivities has allowed me to embrace self-care and find balance in my parenting journey.
Keyphrase: Daily Alone Time for Highly Sensitive Persons
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