Last Thursday, I started my day by whipping up scrambled eggs, fruit, and toast for my two kids. Since they are 4 and nearly 2, this breakfast is quick to prepare and guarantees that they’ll actually eat it. I don’t often resort to cereal, not because of the sugar content, but because my youngest would find immense joy in dumping the bowl of milk and Cheerios over her head. I would rather deal with a pan and a cutting board every morning than have to clean up cereal milk and give her an extra bath.
While my kids enjoyed their breakfast, I moved around the house, tidying up and putting things away. I gathered dirty towels and replaced them with fresh ones, all while eagerly anticipating a knock at my door. You see, I had recently penned an article about hiring a housekeeper, and Thursday marked her first day on the job. Typically, Thursdays are my major cleaning days, but this time, a wonderful woman entered my home to tackle the heavy lifting for me. I made sure the house was in good shape, but the scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping were finally off my to-do list. I relinquished control.
She will be coming every two weeks, and it’s already a tremendous relief. Now, I know that no matter how hectic or challenging my weeks may be, I can start fresh every two weeks.
As she got to work, I sat down to color with my son, waiting for my daughter to wake up from her nap. The next morning, I wasn’t worn out from juggling deep cleaning and parenting. I wasn’t frustrated about what I hadn’t accomplished the day before. It was the most enjoyable Friday morning I’ve had in a while because everything felt smooth and effortless.
We were set to leave for a family wedding that weekend, and for once, I wasn’t frazzled about returning to a messy house. Instead of dedicating the day before to cleaning, I focused on packing. My family actually left on time for our road trip, which has never happened before. I usually feel like a disaster before trips, but not this time.
Most changes take time before their implications become clear. However, it was evident immediately that hiring a housekeeper was the right decision for me and my family.
When I shared my experience of hiring a housekeeper, most feedback was positive. Many commenters expressed that they too had housekeepers and were delighted with their choice. Others mentioned that they would absolutely consider hiring one if finances allowed. But then there were individuals who took issue with my decision to make a choice that they wouldn’t personally make. Some called me privileged (which I am and acknowledge), while others labeled me lazy. A few couldn’t grasp why I would outsource tasks I am capable of handling — you know, “women’s work” and all of that.
What these responses reveal is a common misunderstanding about women who choose to take control of their situations when they’re dissatisfied, especially when they have the means to do so. It’s disheartening how many people believe household chores solely fall on the parent who spends the most time at home. And while it should surprise me, it doesn’t. In most families, the parent who stays home is often the mother, and we tend to categorize housework as “women’s work.” This is despite the fact that both men and women contribute to the mess. Even in dual-income households, mothers often end up with the lion’s share of domestic responsibilities on top of their jobs.
Let’s be clear: If you stay home to care for children, you are contributing significantly to your household. If you handle errands, appointments, budgeting, and meal preparation, you are providing financial value to your family. Childcare can cost as much, if not more than, a mortgage. The endless tasks that often fall on mothers are not only valuable but also time-consuming. So let’s stop perpetuating the outdated notion that staying home means taking on every conceivable responsibility that doesn’t involve “bringing home the bacon” to achieve equality with your partner.
The idea that I am somehow burdening, disrespecting, or tricking my husband is absurd. My husband doesn’t question what I do all day; he’s spent plenty of time with our children and recognizes that my role saves us money. He understands that the cost of hiring a housekeeper is minimal compared to the time I free up for other important activities. Plus, he appreciates having a partner who isn’t perpetually exhausted. Most importantly, he respects me as an equal and trusts my ability to make decisions about how I manage my time. I extend that same respect to him.
No, I won’t be ensuring I “blow my husband” to justify this choice. So kindly, take those thoughts elsewhere.
If you think hiring a housekeeper means my children get a free pass from chores, think again. They may not be adept at some tasks yet, but they are certainly old enough to pick up their toys and help set the table. I teach them that being part of a family means contributing and seeking ways to alleviate burdens for each other. They witness me cleaning; I don’t wake up the morning after a cleaning session and declare, “Let’s treat this place like a dump!” Maintaining order is an ongoing effort, not a bi-weekly event.
Even if I had the luxury of doing nothing all day and my kids never lifted a finger, why should that concern anyone? Why does it bother some that a woman is making choices different from their own? Some believe the ideal scenario has all mothers staying home full-time, maintaining pristine homes, and having dinner ready when their husbands arrive. They not only expect women to live this way but to be content and never complain—and of course, to “blow their husbands.”
I believe the world would be better if random strangers online didn’t feel entitled to suggest that I owe sexual favors for hiring someone to clean my floors twice a month.
This article originally appeared on May 12, 2017.
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In summary, I made a choice to hire help around the house, a decision that has significantly improved my family’s quality of life. This choice has drawn both support and criticism, highlighting the ongoing societal expectations surrounding gender roles and domestic responsibilities.
Keyphrase: Housekeeper and Gender Roles
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