For a moment, I was completely taken aback. The words my daughter had just spoken hung in the air, leaving me momentarily speechless.
“I want to stay at Dad’s. I don’t want to be here tonight.”
I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. My 6-year-old daughter, Bella, was watching me, her big eyes brimming with unshed tears. A single tear trickled down her cheek, and my heart sank.
“What did you say?” I finally managed to ask.
“I want to stay at Dad’s. I want to be there,” she reiterated.
I wish I could say that I took a deep breath, smiled, and told her that whatever she decided was fine with me. I wish I could have reassured her that she could spend the night with her dad if that’s what she wanted, and that she was free to enjoy her time with both parents in their respective homes. But the reality is, I didn’t handle it well.
The heat rushed to my face, and the lump in my throat was sudden and overwhelming. “Why? Aren’t you happy here with me? You were just at Dad’s.”
She turned her gaze away. “I know. I miss him.”
“Won’t you miss me? This is our time together. Why do you want to be with him? Is it because he lets you watch TV or stay up later? You can be honest with me.” The words tumbled out, each one filled with desperation, and I felt as if I were drowning.
Bella simply shrugged, not meeting my eyes. I was baffled. She had just spent five days with her dad, and we had shared an uneventful Saturday lunch. Why would she choose to leave me?
Panic began to set in. I had long harbored this secret fear that the fun-loving dad would overshadow the responsible mom, and in that moment, it felt like that fear was coming true. I felt lost, ashamed, and emotionally unmoored.
I looked up to see my two sons watching me, their eyes wide and concerned. I excused myself and retreated to my room, where I let the tears flow as I closed the door behind me.
In a state of distress, I called my ex-husband, Tom. Through sobs, I asked what he had done to make Bella prefer being with him over me. I analyzed every parenting difference between us, convinced that she wanted to be with him for some reason I couldn’t understand. Tom reassured me that Bella hadn’t mentioned any of this and suggested that she was simply going through a rough patch that would likely resolve itself by bedtime.
Hours later, my sweet Bella still wanted to stay with him. I watched her leave without saying a word, too upset to speak. After putting the boys to bed, I cried myself to sleep.
The next day, she called asking to stay another night, and that request continued for four days. Each time, Tom reported that Bella was happy and engaged, rarely mentioning her sudden desire to stay with him.
On the fifth day, she returned home, and Tom and I agreed that Bella should see a counselor before we made any further changes to our schedule. I scheduled an appointment for the following week, filled with dread about what she might reveal.
My stomach twisted as I sat in the waiting room, convinced she would tell the counselor something terrible about life at my house. But when the counselor called me back, I was shocked by what I learned.
Bella was happy at my home. She felt safe and loved. But she also enjoyed her time at her dad’s. She worried about him getting remarried soon and thought she should spend extra time with him, believing it was her responsibility to keep him happy. She had internalized the message that she could love both parents and be content in both homes.
Then, my heart broke when I learned that she was avoiding asking for time with her dad out of fear of hurting me. She didn’t want to cause me pain. My little girl was sacrificing her own needs to protect my feelings.
I realized I was inadvertently placing an emotional burden on her that was far too heavy for a child. I had made my biggest mistake by failing to prioritize her well-being and encouraging her to be honest about her needs. In trying to protect myself, I had unintentionally stifled her.
Over the next few months, we worked through this together. Today, Bella knows that her happiness is my top priority, and she truly is free to navigate her time between homes. That freedom has not only restored the bond we share but has also allowed her to thrive.
I’m sharing this story to remind all divorced moms that a child who loves both parents is a treasure. Don’t fret over where you stand compared to others in your child’s life. Encourage them to share their experiences, as this openness is a gift you don’t want to miss.
In closing, if you’re exploring family-building options, consider checking out this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination. You might also find useful insights on self insemination or explore home insemination kits.
Keyphrase: Biggest Mistake as a Divorced Mom
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]