As dawn breaks, my day kicks into high gear. I know I won’t catch my breath until the moon takes its place in the night sky. Even then, my mind races—worrying about the pets, ensuring the kids are fed, and making sure the bathroom floor doesn’t turn into an accident zone. If only someone could hand me a cup of coffee and a sprinkle of patience, I might just survive today. Better yet, I’d love a clone of myself to lighten the load.
After getting my kids to school (albeit a bit late), I catch a glimpse of you, fellow mother. You look just as frazzled as I do—your hair in a messy bun and your tires squealing as you race away from the school. I can tell you have a million things to do, just like the rest of us.
But wow, you are a pro at coaching basketball! I watched you last week, and your ability to teach those kids the importance of fair play is impressive. You handle the bad calls with grace and manage to keep the game fun. Meanwhile, I can hardly remember which child is on the court, and if someone spat gum at me, I would probably just leave the game altogether.
You mentioned once that you wished you could bake like I do, but the thought of getting the kitchen messy stresses you out. I totally understand—baking is my therapy, and I had to skip the last PTA meeting just to whip up those cookies. I heard you were there, whistle in hand.
So, here’s my bold proposition: how about you become my sister wife? Let’s embrace this idea! I can bake, you can coach, and we can share the chores. Imagine splitting tasks evenly! I’m sure I can handle twice the kids if I’m only on duty part-time; it’s the full-time grind that really throws me off balance.
I’m willing to sign a contract right now. We both want this arrangement, don’t we? I can handle school pickups, answer a million questions, and whip up snacks while you treat yourself to a latte or catch up on girl talk. Maybe even sign up for that pole-dancing class you’ve been eyeing—just make sure it doesn’t clash with my spin class on Wednesdays and Fridays.
After a rejuvenating break, you’ll be more than ready to tackle bedtime with your partner each night. Sounds like a fair trade, right? In return for hosting birthday parties for my kids, I promise to handle all the bills and school paperwork. Yes, all of it. I’ll even make those dentist appointments for everyone—including your husband’s vasectomy. I just can’t deal with the chaos of kids fighting over gifts at parties. I think I might be allergic to bounce houses and screaming.
Every other Thursday and Saturday, I’ll tackle the deep cleaning while you manage the grocery shopping. I can create a list based on the store layout if I don’t have to step foot in there. I’ll even clip and organize coupons! You’ll be attending the PTA meetings, right? And if you forget my favorite cheese, I won’t even be mad. I’ll be too thrilled that I didn’t have to sit through those tedious meetings.
We can also take the kids to the park together, taking turns to scroll through our phones while keeping an eye on them. I’ll go first and make sure little Tommy behaves, giving you a moment to catch up on Instagram while I add more baking ideas to my Pinterest board. We’ll be present with our kids but also sharing the monumental task of motherhood, making it more manageable and enjoyable.
This partnership sounds like a win-win. The notion of “divide and conquer” is outdated; let’s combine forces and accomplish our goals without losing our minds. I get to focus on what I love while you do the same, and we both benefit from this arrangement.
And don’t worry about any potential conflicts—we’ll be too relaxed for that. As for your husband? He stays yours, no sharing required.
So, what do you think? Just sign here, and let’s embark on this journey together!