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by Jake Thompson
Updated: October 20, 2023
Originally Published: May 6, 2017
I found myself deep in conversation with a colleague recently. He’s a couple of years younger than me, new to fatherhood, and clearly anxious about his little girl—who’s just six months old—becoming too attached to her pacifier.
“She can’t sleep without it,” he confessed, worry etched across his face. “I’m hesitant to buy too many because I’ve heard it can be tough to wean her off later.”
We were in his cramped office, and he looked uncomfortable—like a tight suit fresh out of the dry cleaner. He’s a big guy, an ex-Division 1 football player from LA, not someone easily intimidated. Yet here he was, fretting that his daughter would grow up to be a lifelong pacifier addict—like that’s a thing outside of club culture.
I raised my hands in reassurance. “Don’t stress about that stuff,” I told him.
He looked at me, eyebrows knitted, as if my advice was to abandon parenting altogether. His expression mirrored every new parent’s anxiety—the kind who pores over parenting books and nutritional labels, desperately searching for the healthiest options while their child throws a tantrum in the cart for sugary snacks. Meanwhile, seasoned parents observe from a distance, knowing full well that the kid will likely turn their nose up at the quinoa casserole in favor of good ol’ mac and cheese.
The truth is, parenting doesn’t require you to surrender entirely. You don’t have to relinquish control completely, but you also shouldn’t get bogged down by trivial concerns like pacifiers or the perfect meal. If you live your life in a constant state of anxiety over these small things, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Kids operate on their terms, and your role is to steer them in the right direction without losing your mind.
“Listen, man,” I said. “I’m a father of three with a decade of experience. My wife and I used to stress just like you. All our kids were pacifier enthusiasts, and you know what? They moved on just fine.”
He looked intrigued. “Really? What happened?”
“Nothing,” I replied. “They grew out of it. Until they’re ready, it’s a battle that leads to anxiety over a piece of plastic. So, buy more pacifiers! Stock up! It will simplify your life.”
I leaned in closer. “Here’s the real parenting secret: mac and cheese. Don’t battle it—embrace it. The same goes for pacifiers and a host of other things that really aren’t worth the stress.”
He didn’t seem thrilled with that answer, and honestly, I wouldn’t have been either if I were in his shoes. When my wife and I first became parents, we too stressed over the minutiae. But we learned to let go of things that weren’t worth the worry. Like, my toddler will inevitably kick off her shoes on the way to the store. I could get frustrated and try to restrain her, but she’ll find a way to ditch them anyway. So now, I simply let her ride in the cart barefoot. It’s all good.
What I’m trying to convey is that parenting is largely about choosing your battles. This means buying a plethora of pacifiers, letting your child shop without shoes, or sending your son to school with bedhead because he refuses to comb it. It’s perfectly okay—it will all work out.
If you’re a new parent reading this, take a breath. Not every little thing needs to cause a meltdown. What truly counts is spending time with your kids. Watch movies together, lie on the floor and let them climb on you. When you come home from work, drop your bag and enjoy some snuggle time. That’s what matters most.
My co-worker was quiet for a moment, and suddenly the atmosphere shifted to a more serious note. But I understood where he was coming from. Parenting is serious business, and new parents often find themselves consumed by every small detail.
“I mean it,” I reiterated. “Just give your baby those pacifiers. Stockpile them. Make sure there’s one in every room. Don’t resist. Once she’s happily sucking on one, snuggle up with her. That’s what truly matters. It’ll all be okay. When she’s ready to let go, you’ll know, and within a few days, she’ll move on to the next phase. In the meantime, cherish those moments together. Everything will work out.”
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Summary
Parenting doesn’t have to be a high-stress endeavor. It’s essential to choose your battles wisely, embracing the small comforts like pacifiers and mac and cheese. Focus on spending quality time with your children, and remember that most worries will pass as they grow. Enjoy the journey and those precious moments together.
Keyphrase: parenting advice
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