Let’s get real for a minute: I’ve battled what I now call Judgy Parent Syndrome. For someone who typically lives by the mantra “you do you,” parenting thrust me into a judgmental arena that I never anticipated. After twenty months in this role, I’ve learned a thing or two, especially about my own transformation into a sanctimommy. Here’s a glimpse into how I got there:
Step 1: Engage in Practices That Invite Judgment
In my experience, co-sleeping was the biggie. Armed with a packet from my birthing classes highlighting the dangers of sharing a bed with a newborn, I had no plans to co-sleep. I had invested in a fancy Halo Bassinest designed to soothe my baby and keep him close. But when midnight came, and he woke up repeatedly, I found myself bringing him into bed to nurse him back to sleep. What started as a desperate act became a regular routine; it was simply easier.
Yet, I felt the weight of judgment looming over me. I read numerous articles warning against bed-sharing and the potential consequences, and my pediatrician would often inquire whether my child had his own sleep space (to which I would awkwardly say “yes,” even though he spent little time there).
Step 2: Discover Like-Minded Parenting Communities
In an effort to find reassurance, I turned to social media and discovered countless co-sleeping and baby sleep support groups. I joined as many as I could, alongside other groups focusing on breastfeeding, babywearing, and attachment parenting. It felt good to connect with others who shared my struggles.
Initially, the conversations were supportive and validating. However, as I delved deeper, I started to encounter comments suggesting that parents who didn’t co-sleep were missing out on vital bonding experiences. Before I knew it, I was consuming memes and posts that painted co-sleeping as the only responsible choice, armed with “scientific” backing to defend my stance.
Step 3: The Judgment Cycle
Soon, I transformed into a vocal advocate for co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and extended nursing. It became my mission to educate others, often defensively, about the choices I was making. I would comment on posts, sharing “science-based” facts, often disregarding the experiences of other parents who chose different paths. Surrounded by like-minded individuals, I found comfort in our shared beliefs and a growing disdain for differing opinions.
Step 4: A Moment of Clarity
Reality hit when my son, Lucas, turned six months old. Co-sleeping was no longer as idyllic as it once seemed. My back ached from awkward positions, and I was constantly nursing him throughout the night, leading to strain in my relationship with my partner. I began to feel trapped by the very community I sought solace in, where any deviation from co-sleeping was met with scorn.
In my heart, I craved a change but feared the repercussions. I realized that as much as I loved those snuggles, I also needed to prioritize my well-being and my relationship. I felt guilty for wanting to sleep train or explore other methods, as the judgment from my peers loomed large.
Step 5: Healing and Growth
Fortunately, I found a nurturing group of moms who emphasized nonjudgment and support. They fostered an environment where sharing personal experiences trumped citing research or judging others’ choices. It was liberating to connect with individuals who understood that every family is unique and deserving of respect.
I took a step back from the more negative social media groups and curated my interactions. I had breastfed Lucas but weaned him at 13 months. I co-slept for a time but later chose to sleep train. My parenting style evolved, and I embraced the idea that no single method is “the best.”
We need to trust parents to make the best decisions for their families without harsh scrutiny. It’s crucial to be mindful of our words, as they can sting deeply.
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In summary, my journey from sanctimommy to a more open-minded parent was paved with lessons about acceptance and the importance of individual choices. We’re all navigating this parenting maze in our own way, and it’s time to embrace that diversity.
Keyphrase: parenting choices and acceptance
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