As part of my routine after sending the kids off to school, I often find myself shutting the door to my daughter’s room. Each time I glance inside, it frustrates me. Clothes are scattered across the floor, and crumpled papers clutter her desk. I can’t help but sigh, thinking, “Why can’t she just put her clothes in the hamper?” This annoyance can easily ruin my mood.
Then I walk into my own bedroom and face the undeniable truth: I’m a walking contradiction. My pajamas are lying on the floor, and I recall how my own room looked like a tornado had hit it during my teenage years.
I consider myself a perfectionist, albeit a flawed one. I often wish I could say I’m recovering from this mindset, but the truth is, that urge for perfection is always lurking. It seeps into my parenting, and I find myself cringing at my own expectations.
Rebecca Lane, author of Positive Parenting for the Modern Age, once said, “Children are often penalized for simply being human. They aren’t given the space to experience grumpy moods or bad days, even though we adults have them regularly. None of us are perfect, so why hold our children to impossible standards?” Yep, guilty as charged.
I can’t count how many mornings I wake up already in a grumpy mood. My tone is sharp, and I snap at everyone around me. Yet, I feel justified in my behavior because I’m an adult. But do I extend that same understanding to my kids?
I’m making an effort, but it’s not always easy to remember. Kids often have underlying issues behind their tantrums or sour moods. It’s my responsibility to dig deeper and find out what’s bothering them. Is it a rough night’s sleep? Bullying at school? Or simply waking up on the wrong side of the bed? They’re human, after all.
Unfortunately, we often forget this. We raise our voices, punish, or, if you’re anything like me, retreat from the child having the most challenging day. Navigating the emotional landscape of tweens is particularly tricky.
Sometimes, I look at my younger ones and see nothing but neediness, failing to realize it stems from their humanity. They aren’t trying to ruin my day; they’re simply trying to navigate their own lives. What they need from me is love and support.
And honestly, I have my own needs too. If there were a title for the queen of neediness, I might just snag that crown.
Recently, I’ve been telling my kids that it’s okay to feel angry or upset with me. However, expressing that anger in hurtful ways isn’t acceptable. They’re allowed to retreat to their rooms, cool down, or vent into a pillow, and then we can talk when they’re ready. I strive to practice this myself, modeling the behavior I want to see.
It’s essential to differentiate between punishing kids for their human feelings and correcting truly unacceptable behavior. This distinction can be exhausting, especially in a family filled with intense emotions.
Add a spirited toddler throwing fits, a tween filled with dramatic eye rolls, and a moody teenager who seems to despise the world, and you’ll find a mom questioning her sanity.
It’s crucial to remember that these little ones we are raising are, in fact, little humans. They need compassion and understanding for their big emotions, and punishing them for feeling upset isn’t always the best approach.
To keep myself in check, I’ve started asking myself a few questions:
- Is there something deeper going on with my child?
- Have I asked them what’s bothering them?
- How would I feel if I were reprimanded in the same way?
- Am I guilty of displaying similar behavior? Would I face punishment for it if I were a kid?
One day, my daughter came home from school upset and angry at everyone. My frustration grew as I thought about how her mood was ruining my day. I wanted to send her to her room for eternity just so I wouldn’t have to deal with her emotions. But instead, I felt a nudge to spend a few moments with her.
We sat together on the couch. She didn’t say much, but I noticed her breathing calm down, and her eyes softened as she gazed outside. What she needed most was my presence and full attention.
The key takeaway here is that there isn’t a universal solution for every situation, but we can strive to remember that our children are human too. If we can let go of unrealistic expectations, I believe our families will experience greater happiness and connection.
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Summary:
In parenting, it’s vital to remember that children are human and deserve the same understanding and grace we extend to ourselves. As we navigate their emotional challenges, we should focus on supporting them rather than punishing them for their feelings. By modeling compassion and communication, we foster a healthier family dynamic.
Keyphrase: Parenting with Compassion
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