It’s intriguing to reflect on how one decision I made at 13 continues to impact my life. At that age, I discovered that I could essentially go without food, and no one would notice. My weight-conscious mother was always fixated on appearances, and I wanted to avoid the scrutiny my sister faced for being a teenager. I didn’t want to transition into a curvy Greek-Italian body and certainly didn’t want my weight to be a topic of discussion at the dinner table.
For most of my life, I’ve struggled with disordered eating, making it difficult to develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise. Instead, I’ve been inundated with the unrealistic portrayals of health and beauty prevalent on social media. In our digital era, it’s become commonplace to publicly share fitness achievements or cleanse diets, while simultaneously shaming others for their weight. It’s baffling how society seems to embrace extreme diet culture while criticizing those who simply exist in larger bodies.
“Just because the average size is 16 doesn’t mean it should be considered acceptable,” some say. Yet, no one bats an eye when someone brags about their gym achievements or fasts. These behaviors are normalized and applauded, yet the moment someone gains a few pounds, they become the subject of unsolicited health advice and criticism.
During my thinner years, no one questioned my health, even when I was fainting regularly due to being severely undernourished. My episodes of fainting became jokes among friends and family, masking the real issue: my body was struggling to cope.
Recently, I wrote about the challenges of finding clothes at size 14-16, the average size for American women, only to be met with mixed reactions. While many women resonated with my frustrations, others resorted to body shaming. It became clear that my unapologetic attitude about my body was what truly irked the critics. How dare I demand clothes that fit my size and voice my grievances about it?
Over the past four years, I’ve moved away from the disordered behaviors that once consumed me. I’ve gained weight, but that doesn’t imply I’m living an unhealthy lifestyle. In fact, I’ve been busy raising a second child, changing careers, and adapting to life’s stresses — all while steering clear of my old coping mechanisms.
“Quit whining. Why not try to lose weight and fit into what is considered normal sizes?” some say. Sure, I have days when I don’t like what I see in the mirror—who doesn’t? But that fleeting self-doubt pales in comparison to the darker moments I’ve experienced.
After a bout of anxiety this year, I underwent a series of medical tests — heart, liver, kidneys, blood pressure, and more. The results? I’m in excellent health. So, the unsolicited concern about my well-being feels a bit misplaced, especially considering I’ve spent years enduring real struggles without any concern shown for my health.
Did gaining weight come with some unhealthy habits? Absolutely. I’ve had days where I relied solely on coffee and quick carbs to get through my busy schedule. But I’m now focusing on nourishing my body and moving it for joy, rather than punishment. I appreciate walks for the beauty around me rather than as a means to an end. After decades of being critical of my body, I’ve finally reached a place of acceptance, even at my heaviest. And you know what? I won’t apologize for that.
So, to all the internet doctors out there, I’m doing just fine. I’m healthy, respected in my career, surrounded by love, and I want clothes that fit my body—because that’s not too much to ask.
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In summary, my journey has been one of self-acceptance amid societal pressures. While I’ve battled personal demons related to body image and health, I now embrace my body and prioritize my well-being over societal expectations.
Keyphrase: Body Acceptance Journey
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