In 2009, I found myself outside a hotel in southern Utah with my lively 2-year-old son, Leo. As he eagerly explored a flowerbed, the sprinklers showered him with water. When I told him it was time to head inside, he went limp—something he frequently did when he didn’t want to comply. That’s when I felt an unsettling pop in his arm.
Unbeknownst to me, a toddler’s joints, particularly the elbow, can be quite flexible, almost like a shoe with untied laces. When Leo screamed in pain, his right arm dangling uselessly at his side, panic set in.
I was 24 and a new dad, so it was natural to jump to the worst-case scenario. Until that moment, Leo had been resilient, bouncing back from every tumble. However, deep down, I was terrified that I had seriously injured him. This was my first brush with that paralyzing fear that haunts many new parents—the fear of causing irreversible harm to their child.
Before Leo arrived, I was inundated with stories of parental mishaps leading to tragic outcomes. My early years of fatherhood were riddled with feelings of inadequacy, especially because I wasn’t exactly a model teenager. When my wife announced her pregnancy, friends jokingly questioned my readiness to be a parent. I often felt like the authorities would come to take my child away at any moment, and every minor incident felt like proof of my failure.
As I cradled Leo, anxiety washed over me. I was relieved I hadn’t killed him, but the dread of causing permanent damage to my son weighed heavily on my heart. I rushed him into our hotel room, where my partner, Ella, was getting ready. Leo, despite the pain, managed to lift his left arm, though his right arm remained still, and seeing him in distress nearly brought me to tears.
“What happened?” Ella asked, sensing my anxiety. I recounted the ordeal, including the ominous pop, and confessed my fears about breaking him.
“I honestly don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “Do you think it’ll just fix itself?”
Looking back, the answer is clear: we should have taken him to a doctor. But at that moment, I felt overwhelmed. We had limited insurance while I was still in college, and I worried about the potential costs of an out-of-network visit. More irrational fears crept in—what if the doctors doubted my story? What if it led to authorities getting involved? My mind was racing, emotions swirling, making rational decisions feel impossible.
Ella, ever the calm one, held Leo until he settled down. “Let’s call a nurse,” she suggested.
“Can we do that?” I replied, still lost in my panic.
“Of course,” she said with a look that suggested I had been under a rock. She handed me the insurance card, and I dialed the number. As I explained the situation, Leo began to perk up, even laughing a bit, despite his right arm hanging limply. The nurse calmly informed me that Leo likely experienced a common injury called Nursemaid’s elbow, which often happens when a toddler goes limp while being held.
“It’s very common,” she reassured me, “You might need to take him to urgent care, where they can pop it back in place.”
As I learned later, this injury is not unusual for toddlers. Leo would go on to have a few more episodes, leading me to joke that we should get a punch card for our visits to the doctor. Anything from a sudden fall to awkward movements could cause it, and all we could do was seek medical help.
While the nurse was explaining the nearest urgent care, Leo tripped and fell again. I held my breath, but when Ella picked him up, suddenly he could use his right arm again. I relayed this to the nurse, who happily confirmed, “That’s great! Sounds like he popped it back in!”
Relief washed over me, but I couldn’t help but share my embarrassment with the nurse. “This is so mortifying,” I said. “I feel like a terrible parent. Am I doing something wrong?”
She chuckled lightly, perhaps recognizing my anxiety, and responded, “Taking care of little ones isn’t easy. They’re like little balls bouncing around, and sometimes they get hurt despite our best efforts. Your concern for his well-being shows you’re a good parent.”
Her words struck a chord, and I felt a wave of gratitude. “Thank you. I really needed to hear that,” I replied.
And perhaps, if you’re reading this, you might need that reassurance too.
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In summary, Nursemaid’s elbow is a common injury among toddlers that shouldn’t lead to feelings of inadequacy in parents. Understanding that accidents happen, and seeking help when necessary, are key aspects of parenting. Trust your instincts, and remember that concern for your child’s well-being is a sign of a good parent.
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