To Those Who Vanished After I Became a Parent

In my journey through parenting, I have come to realize that it takes more than just maternal instincts. It’s been a long process of self-discovery, one that has involved a fair amount of therapy. People often say that children don’t come with a manual, and they are absolutely correct. However, as I’ve navigated the waters of parenthood for three years, I’ve concluded that children primarily need love, nourishment, and rest.

Now, adults? That’s a different story. They can be quite challenging, and perhaps they should come with their own set of guidelines. Unfortunately, they don’t, which is why I sought professional help in the first place. It was one of the best decisions I made. I have spent countless hours in therapy, unpacking the emotions tied to those who have caused me pain or frustration, learning to process everything fully and “feel all the feels,” as people say these days. In essence, I’ve learned to let go.

Interestingly, I’ve become adept at understanding others’ perspectives, which facilitates my ability to forgive. However, there remains one group of individuals I cannot comprehend, empathize with, nor forgive: the individuals who chose to ignore my children’s existence.

Sadly, my therapist has indicated that this behavior is not uncommon, and I often wonder how these people reconcile their actions with their conscience. While I shouldn’t expend energy on such sentiments, there are thoughts that need to be expressed, and today feels like the right moment to voice them.

To Those Who Drifted Away

To those who drifted away from my life after I became a parent, I must ask: What on earth is wrong with you? Are you serious in thinking you can profess love for someone for years—perhaps their entire life—and then vanish once they embrace parenthood? Do you believe I will ever accept that you cared about me when my heart is now intertwined with my children, and you choose to ignore them?

If you didn’t want to be part of my life, I could understand that. I’m not perfect; I have my flaws, and there are many reasons you could have ghosted me. My humor can be overbearing, and I am notoriously tardy. Yet, you remained in my life through thick and thin until the moment my first child arrived. Why the sudden distance?

Initially, it stung. I was eager to share my joy with you, to introduce you to the remarkable little person I had created. Look at my beautiful child! Yet, my calls went unanswered, and visits were never scheduled. I’m not requesting that you drop everything to compile a scrapbook of my children, but a little interest would have been appreciated—an acknowledgment that they are part of my universe. After all, they are my children, and you professed to “love me.”

I’m not hurt anymore; I’ve moved beyond self-pity. The truth is, if you are too self-absorbed to recognize the joy these children bring, that’s a significant loss for you.

What You’ve Missed

So, what have you missed? My son’s laughter is like music, his hugs are pure joy, and his humor is sharp. He is a tiny comedic genius, and nothing compares to the innocence of a toddler’s joke. As for my daughter? She is a whirlwind of energy, exploring the world one curious step at a time. The sound of her little feet on the hardwood floors is like a soothing melody to my weary spirit. If you can’t appreciate that, it’s rather unfortunate—for you.

By distancing yourself from my family when my children came into the world, you exited the stage just when the best scenes were about to unfold. You may have snagged your exclusive souvenir T-shirt, but you missed the main event. I sincerely pity you because these kids are extraordinary, brimming with love and joy.

After much contemplation and therapy, I now understand my stance. To all the former friends and family members who ghosted when my children arrived: If you lack the interest to get to know the amazing kids you’re missing out on, then you don’t deserve them. It’s as simple as that. I wish you well in life, but know this: We will be just fine without you.

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Summary

The author reflects on the emotional impact of friends and family disappearing after the arrival of her children. Through therapy, she learns to process her feelings and ultimately expresses that those who chose to ignore her children do not deserve to be part of their lives. The piece emphasizes the joy of parenting and the loss felt by those who miss out on it.

Keyphrase

ghosting after parenthood