In my daily interactions, I often find myself sharing more than necessary; it’s just part of my personality. While some may view this as oversharing, it has led to numerous enlightening discussions. Recently, I met someone in my professional circle who inquired about my life, including my children and vacations. When she asked about my marital status, I explained, “No, but my child’s father and I maintain a relationship. We’re committed but live separately.”
Her response mirrored the confusion I often encounter. Our unconventional arrangement, compounded by generational differences, seemed to amplify her concern. She remarked, “That’s an unusual situation. There’s so much dysfunction with families nowadays. Broken homes seem to be the norm with all these divorces. People just don’t stay together anymore.”
The term “dysfunction” in reference to families is something I deeply resent. Similarly, the idea of a “broken” home is equally distasteful. It prompted me to reflect: How did we begin associating divorce with dysfunction? This rhetorical question lingers in my mind, fueled by frustration.
The notion that divorce equates to dysfunction and brokenness should not be normalized. These terms imply temporary states or emotions but should not define families. Such labels are not only damaging but outdated. Though divorce is increasingly common, the words “dysfunctional” and “broken” should not be used to characterize families that diverge from the traditional narrative.
My family is neither dysfunctional nor broken. My child should not be led to believe otherwise. If my partner and I had remained in an unhealthy marriage characterized by conflict and dissatisfaction, wouldn’t that have been the true definition of dysfunction? Now, she enjoys the benefit of two loving homes—spending time at one house twice a week and the other for the remainder. While there are undoubtedly challenges and adjustments, the fundamental truth remains: she has two parents who care deeply for her. Our family functions well, even in the context of divorce.
Hearts may have been fractured during the separation, but they are healing, and they will not remain broken. It’s essential to reject the narrative of brokenness. Our new normal is not dysfunctional; instead, it represents a redefined family dynamic. We must abandon the unrealistic ideals of perfection in family structures, as perfection is a myth we all recognize. The stigmas must cease.
Every family adapts and manages their new realities, especially those who have experienced separation or divorce. This journey is rarely easy, often messy, and can be quite challenging. Yet, the turmoil likely existed even within what society deems a traditional marriage.
Our circumstances are about redefining rather than labeling as dysfunctional or broken. We understand that while our children may feel the effects of divorce, we don’t need to further stigmatize their experiences with negative labels. We should not propagate the misconception that we simply gave up on our marriage without effort. Only we understand the intricacies of our decisions and the necessity of functioning in a way that serves our family best.
This also applies to families that have since remarried, creating blended family dynamics. Many of these extended families are beautiful, even if they do not fit the idyllic image we often see. They might not look like the ideal family at a soccer game or a vacation spot, but they are all making the best of their situations. Ultimately, love prevails. Our decisions revolve around what’s best for our children, and the last thing we want is for them to feel labeled as “broken” or “dysfunctional.”
Can we, as a society, do better? Can we look at divorced families with an open mind and recognize that they are doing the best they can? I may not have been a child of divorce, but many friends who were have thrived and are successful individuals, proving that they are far from broken.
All families are unique and beautiful. They function in their own ways, without the need for perfection. What they truly need is love.
In summary, it’s crucial to challenge the negative perceptions surrounding divorced families. Terms like “dysfunctional” and “broken” fail to capture the reality of love and resilience that defines these families. Let’s embrace the diverse structures that exist and acknowledge that every family, regardless of its composition, is capable of functioning beautifully when love is at the core.
Keyphrase: Divorced families and love
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