May 3, 2023
“Wait, you actually knew about her conditions? And you still decided to adopt?” I felt a wave of discomfort wash over me as I faced this new acquaintance. “Well, wouldn’t you still choose to adopt if she were your daughter?” I replied, hoping to steer the conversation in a different direction.
She looked at me, stunned, her mouth agape. And then, as expected, she took a breath and exclaimed, “You and your partner are just heroes!”
Her inquiry concerned our adoption of Mia, a 5-year-old from Armenia who has spina bifida, hydrocephalus, and congenital scoliosis. Mia’s medical challenges include an inability to walk or stand, and she needs round-the-clock medical attention. Additionally, she produces almost no growth hormones, which means that at almost 6 years old, she is the size of a typical 15-month-old.
My partner Alex and I are in our thirties, educated, and have a comfortable lifestyle. As a military family, we often relocate, live far from relatives, and navigate lengthy deployments. Both of us enjoy staying active and participate in long-distance running. Moreover, adopting Mia drained our savings, and we were already managing the chaos of three other children aged 3 to 8 before welcoming her into our busy household.
These factors lead to a mix of disbelief and unwarranted admiration from those who hear our story. Many struggle to comprehend that we chose this path and made financial sacrifices for it. I should be accustomed to this reaction; I witnessed my own parents receiving similar accolades when they adopted my siblings.
Why I’m Uncomfortable with the ‘Hero’ Label
However, I am not comfortable with it. Here’s why:
First, it’s important to recognize that Alex and I are just ordinary people with our own imperfections. We have disagreements about parenting styles, we occasionally raise our voices in frustration, and we sometimes forget to secure insurance referrals for Mia’s medical appointments. Her charm doesn’t always balance out our moments of impatience. We were novices in adoption and had no prior experience with spina bifida.
Beyond that, we faced significant fear at various stages of this journey. We both felt, almost instinctively, that Mia belonged with us, but that realization didn’t erase the challenges we anticipated.
Yes, we grappled with fears—not about being unprepared (as every parent, biological or adoptive, can relate to) or about Mia’s medical needs, but rather about whether we were truly capable of being the parents she deserves.
The reality is that we are flawed beings, like everyone else. We simply took that leap of faith despite our fears. We kept moving forward, learning, and improving because we recognized that retreating out of fear would leave us with greater regrets than any misstep with Mia could ever cause.
When people label us as heroes, suggesting they could never undertake what we did, they inadvertently absolve themselves from considering their own potential. By placing us on a pedestal, they close the door on their own opportunities to make a difference. “Only people like Jenna and Alex can adopt,” they might think, “so I guess I’m not cut out for it.”
This mindset is the real tragedy because by calling us heroes, individuals are denying themselves and any child the chance to experience the joy of familial bonds that can surpass anything they ever imagined.
Resources for Your Journey
For more insight into the journey of parenthood, you can check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in exploring your own path to parenthood, consider visiting this page on home insemination kits and learning more about your options. Additionally, read about the fertility journey for intracervical insemination to gain more insights into the process.
Conclusion
In summary, the journey of adopting a child with disabilities is filled with challenges and misconceptions. It’s essential to recognize that anyone can make a difference, and by labeling others as heroes, we often overlook our capacity for kindness and compassion.
Keyphrase: Adopting a Child with Disabilities
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