In a recent family gathering, my 6-year-old daughter, Mia, attended her first baby shower, celebrating a friend’s upcoming arrival of a baby girl. The vibrant décor and delightful candy spread captivated her, leading to a flurry of questions on our ride home.
“Mom, if someone has another baby next year, can they have another shower?” she asked.
“Absolutely! Every baby deserves a celebration,” I replied, adding, “And any reason for cake is a good one!”
“Are you going to have more babies, Mom?” she inquired.
I explained that I wasn’t planning to, and soon Mia began discussing her future family. “I don’t care if my baby is a boy or a girl. I just want a healthy baby,” she declared.
I recognized this phrase, one I had echoed countless times during my own pregnancy. It seemed like the socially acceptable response to inquiries about gender preference. However, hearing it from my daughter shifted my perspective. It highlighted how these words often imply an unrealistic standard of perfection.
While we often express a desire for a “healthy baby” to avoid appearing biased towards a specific gender, we inadvertently suggest that any child who does not meet that standard might be less loved or wanted. This sentiment can be particularly hurtful to families of children with special needs, who may find such statements dismissive of their experiences.
In truth, every parent I know, regardless of their child’s health status, is filled with love and gratitude for their little one. So why do we continue to express this notion of only wanting a healthy child? What we typically mean is that we wish to spare our children from suffering, a sentiment I can resonate with as a parent. However, it’s essential to recognize the implications of our words.
Instead of reinforcing ableism, we can embrace a more inclusive approach by saying, “I want the child I am meant to have.” This statement encompasses all possibilities and reflects a mindset of love and acceptance. It acknowledges that the child we are expecting, regardless of their health, is deserving of our unconditional love.
On the way home, I gently asked Mia, “Would you love your babies any less if they weren’t healthy?”
“Of course not!” she responded with laughter at the thought.
“Would you think I wouldn’t want you if you weren’t healthy?” I continued. “No way! I love you no matter what.”
Mia nodded, affirming, “I’ll love my babies the same way.” I took the opportunity to explain that while not all babies are healthy, every life is worth celebrating.
“Every baby should be celebrated, right?” she asked.
“Absolutely,” I affirmed.
“And with cake!” she added.
“Definitely with cake,” I agreed.
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In summary, redefining our language around parenthood can foster a more accepting environment for all families. By expressing a desire for the child we are meant to have, we affirm our love and support for every unique life that comes into the world.
Keyphrase: “inclusive parenting language”
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