I recently came across a claim that suggests most of life’s meaningful experiences occur in the first 20 years, while the remaining years are spent simply processing those experiences. This notion struck me as either profoundly disheartening or a comforting fallacy, but I’m inclined to dismiss it as nonsense. What stands out to me is the undeniable shift that occurs in one’s 30s — a transition from planning and pursuing goals to living fully in the present moment.
It’s tough to accept that life doesn’t always unfold as we imagined. It feels almost taboo to voice that realization. In a way, the trajectory of my life — with its ups and downs — seems precisely as it was meant to be. Yet, it starkly contrasts the dreams I had as a child. I vividly remember being six years old, poring over the Constitution my mother gave me, thrilled to discover it didn’t prohibit me from aspiring to be president simply because I was a girl.
Years have passed since that innocent moment, and the choices I’ve made — marrying young, starting a family, and welcoming children — have shaped my reality in ways I didn’t foresee. Those decisions have led to the understanding that certain paths are now closed to me. I won’t become a professional dancer, a surgeon, or a homebirth midwife.
Beyond career aspirations, I find myself lacking in basic skills. Gardening eludes me, and animals generally avoid me. For a decade, I’ve wanted to master authentic Mexican cuisine, yet my culinary achievements are limited to melting cheese and shouting “ole!” It’s a bit pathetic.
Nevertheless, I’ve accomplished significant milestones. I graduated from high school and college, became a mother, nurtured my marriage, and bought a home. I have a fulfilling career and a hobby that brings me immense joy. As I transition from pursuing dreams to embracing the fruits of my labor, you’d think this would be the easy part. However, it’s often the most challenging phase of all.
Who would’ve thought that settling into the choices we’ve made could be the hardest part of life? Anticipation and promise characterized my earlier years, while this phase is starkly different. It seems that as we stop looking forward, we inevitably turn inward. Amidst the joy and chaos, an undercurrent of longing remains.
Yes, I’ll admit it — there were dreams once larger than this. Standing amidst laundry with a weary body and a distracted mind, I recall the exhilaration of running through my childhood home, waving that precious document like a banner of hope. Many of those dreams feel sacrificed, though I acknowledge the trade was heavily weighted in my favor. If given the chance, I would make the same choices again in a heartbeat.
I’m not complaining. What I’m highlighting is the unfairness of perpetuating the myth that we can have it all. It’s not true. While we can experience incredible moments and cherish beautiful aspects of life, we cannot possess everything. We can obtain substantial pieces of various dreams. If you’re as fortunate as I am, you might even have a nurturing mother-in-law who embodies grace and supports your career while you parent. Yet, even with that support, I find myself divided — not fully present at work or at home.
We often fragment ourselves into pieces, spreading our attention thin across various life aspects, hoping it will suffice for all. Do we succeed? I believe so. It has to be enough. It’s also acceptable to mourn the dreams we’ve relinquished. Parenting young children is a balancing act — we select what we can manage while learning to accept what we cannot. It’s a struggle, and it’s rarely glamorous.
I may not be a trailblazer like Gloria Steinem, but I am a weary mother of four, caught between my past aspirations and present responsibilities. However, it’s essential to remember that the journey isn’t over. In a remarkable twist, these children will grow, and so will we — life is replete with surprises. We should never cease dreaming.
While my dreams have evolved, they are still present. You wouldn’t catch me wanting to be president anymore, but I aspire to achieve enlightenment or perhaps master that elusive yoga pose. Yesterday, my goal was simply to get out of bed; today, it’s to enjoy a movie with my husband without interruptions. Tomorrow, who knows? Maybe I’ll finally distinguish tamales from other dishes or embark on a quest to save the world, depending on my morning coffee intake.
Ultimately, it seems that the essence of our dreams, regardless of their nature, is what sustains us through the mundane aspects of our beautiful lives. We cannot predict where our paths will lead, but I’m eager to discover what lies ahead.
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Summary
Life transitions can lead to unexpected realizations about the dreams we hold and the compromises we make. Embracing both joy and longing is essential as we navigate the challenges of motherhood and personal aspirations. While we may not achieve all our childhood dreams, the potential for growth and new dreams remains boundless.
Keyphrase: dreaming while parenting
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