The day I discovered I was expecting a son coincided with a significant moment in the U.S. — the release of George Zimmerman, the man responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death, on bail. This event served as a stark reminder of the pervasive hatred and ignorance that permeate our society, affecting even the most innocent among us.
Prior to this revelation, I had always confidently identified as a feminist. As a woman of color, I embraced the principles of womanism articulated by thinkers like Maya Rivers and Tara Johnson. I actively participated in initiatives like the campaign for equal pay in 2010 and rallied support for organizations such as the Planned Parenthood Action Fund. I was deeply involved in efforts to aid homeless women and children, coming from a lineage of strong women. My focus was solely on empowering girls and women.
Then I became a mother to a boy.
In those initial moments post-birth, beyond the anxiety of “please don’t drop him,” I envisioned the beautiful life I wanted for my child. I pondered the challenges he might face and the person he could become. I considered his potential interests and qualities, whether he would be athletic, artistic, or perhaps even a bit quirky. I began to contemplate how society would perceive and treat him.
I had imagined that raising a son would empower me to instill in him a deep respect for women and an understanding of their invaluable contributions to society. However, I quickly learned that boys also require affirmation of their own worth and rights. They too must navigate the complexities of societal expectations and fight for equality. This realization forced me to reevaluate and redefine my perspective on feminism.
The Boy Dilemma
One pivotal moment occurred during a routine shopping trip at my local Target. My son was three years old, and I was searching for his first set of “big boy underwear.” To my surprise, I discovered that the boys’ section was significantly smaller than that of the girls’. The boys’ clothing racks were nearly bare, while the girls’ section was vibrant and full. This disparity made me reflect on the broader implications of our societal norms and the need to educate boys about healthy masculinity.
I began to wonder if the fight against toxic masculinity overlooked the emotional well-being of boys. The true adversary for women is not all men, but rather those who have been misled about what it means to be a man. This understanding prompted me to advocate not just for women, but for boys as well, starting with my own child.
Boys face their own set of challenges, including high rates of mental health issues and educational dropouts. Previously, I had accepted these statistics without question, but when I looked at my own son — a joyful child with dreams and emotions — their significance became all too real.
Boys Experience Emotions Too
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is the necessity of allowing my son to express his emotions freely. While every parent has moments when they need to intervene, I strive to provide him with the space to feel and process his emotions. I encourage him to “take a moment” to understand his feelings, reinforcing that they are valid and worthy of acknowledgment.
I also prioritize his autonomy, ensuring he knows he doesn’t have to engage in physical affection if he doesn’t wish to. Understanding that boys should not be pressured to “suck it up” is vital, as we are learning that emotional expression is not a sign of weakness but a part of healthy development.
Feminism and Masculinity
The most profound lesson I’ve gleaned from raising a son is the realization that feminism cannot exist in isolation from the need to address issues of masculinity. Every feminist issue is intertwined with the consequences of hypermasculinity. As society grapples with complex challenges, we must foster empathy and understanding among boys and men.
Boys who grow up feeling secure and loved are less likely to resort to toxic behavior to validate themselves. They can aspire to become leaders who champion equality and fairness without feeling threatened by it. This is the vision I hold for my son.
If we, as advocates for women, are dedicated to uplifting our daughters, we must also focus on nurturing the men they will encounter. My journey begins with my son.
Summary
In summary, the experience of raising a son has profoundly influenced my understanding of feminism, highlighting the importance of nurturing emotional intelligence in boys and challenging traditional notions of masculinity. As we strive for gender equality, it is essential to recognize the interconnectedness of these issues and foster a more empathetic and supportive society for all.
For more information on pregnancy and parenting, check out this excellent resource from March of Dimes. Additionally, for those exploring the journey of parenthood, consider visiting our post about the at-home insemination kit for your family planning needs, and for couples navigating fertility, we recommend this comprehensive guide on intracervical insemination.
Keyphrase: Raising a son and feminism
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]