By: Lisa Thompson
In the 1989 film, Look Who’s Talking, there’s a memorable moment where the character portrayed by Kirstie Alley defiantly declares her refusal to experience postpartum depression after reading about it. Fast forward to a poignant scene of her sobbing uncontrollably at a commercial—this was the extent of my understanding of postpartum challenges before I became a mother.
Despite my meticulous planning for every stage of my pregnancy, I soon realized I had no control over whether I would experience postpartum anxiety. All I could do was educate myself about potential warning signs and causes, hoping to prepare for the unexpected. However, in my research, the term “postpartum anxiety” was glaringly absent. I learned that nearly 80% of new mothers face some level of postpartum depression or anxiety, yet many remain unaware of it until they are in the thick of it. Some may endure it without ever recognizing what it is.
After a grueling 46 hours in the hospital, my daughter was born via C-section in November 2015. She was flawless, and I felt my life was complete. As night fell during our first day together, I expected nothing but exhaustion. Instead, an overwhelming wave of panic hit me as if a switch had been flipped in my hospital room. There was no specific trigger; I suddenly felt claustrophobic and desperately craved fresh air. Despite being confined within the hospital walls for three days, I was convinced that stepping outside would alleviate my distress.
Unfortunately, I was mistaken. The panic intensified, and no amount of cool night air could soothe me. I found myself in the throes of a full-blown panic attack, and with no prior experience of anxiety, I was at a loss for how to cope. I can’t recall how I eventually calmed down or fell asleep, but I vividly remember the hospital psychiatrist who visited the next day. His gentle demeanor and reassurance that my feelings were completely normal offered a glimmer of hope, even though I felt anything but normal. He recommended a postpartum therapist, assuring me that I would be okay.
While his words resonated, they didn’t provide the comfort I sought. I was alarmed by my rapid emotional shift from joy to fear and felt profoundly vulnerable. My logical mind tried to rationalize my feelings: I had endured two failed inductions, an ineffective epidural, painful contractions, and an unplanned C-section. This was undoubtedly a lot to process, and I told myself that once I was home, everything would return to normal.
But upon arriving home, surrounded by our new daughter—who weighed just six pounds—I was once again engulfed by panic. The flood of unfamiliar emotions overwhelmed me, and I realized this feeling wouldn’t dissipate on its own. In that moment, I contacted the therapist and scheduled an appointment for the following day.
Describing my experience in postpartum therapy is challenging, as words alone cannot capture its transformative power. Initially, I felt like a shadow of my former self, yet with each session, my therapist emphasized that I was not just going to be okay—I already was. This affirmation was crucial for me. While my husband and mother provided invaluable support, I needed a professional to reassure me that my experiences were common and that it was acceptable to feel overwhelmed. Gradually, I began to feel more grounded and secure.
As time passed, my physical healing progressed, and my mental state stabilized, allowing me to regain a sense of normalcy. My husband and I established a routine with our daughter, who began to sleep for longer stretches at night. I connected with other new mothers who shared similar fears, and we supported each other through our shared experiences. Returning to work after maternity leave, I found myself integrating my old life with my new one, a blend that felt right.
My final postpartum therapy session took place in the summer of 2016, approximately seven months after my daughter’s birth. Today, I am the proud mother of a vibrant 15-month-old girl, filled with energy and curiosity. Though I still experience moments of unease, they are fleeting and manageable. I remain open with my friends about my struggle with postpartum anxiety, and I am often surprised to hear them respond with similar sentiments. It’s a part of my journey—a badge of courage that I wear with pride, just like my C-section scar.
Becoming a first-time mother is both a beautiful and daunting experience. If you’re willing to celebrate the joyous moments, don’t shy away from sharing the challenging ones. Asking for help is not only acceptable; it’s one of the best actions you can take for yourself and your precious baby.
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In summary, my journey through postpartum anxiety has been transformative. It has taught me the importance of seeking help and sharing experiences with fellow mothers. Each step has contributed to my growth, making me a more resilient individual and a loving mother.
Keyphrase: Postpartum Anxiety Journey
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