When I was a child, the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” filled me with excitement and dreams. I envisioned myself as a singer, performing for a higher purpose. Unfortunately, my vocal talents didn’t quite align with that aspiration.
As I matured, my ambitions evolved annually, but there was an unexpected shift between the ages of 23 and 35. Instead of being asked about my dreams, I encountered a barrage of unsolicited advice on what my life should look like. The two questions that irk me the most are: “Has he proposed yet?” and “When do you plan to start a family?”
While I have ready-made responses to these inquiries, I often feel an internal scream each time they come up. Who dictated that I must follow the path of becoming a wife and mother? That’s my personal choice—not anyone else’s business.
These questions evoke a mix of emotions. Some days, I wish they were true; on others, I recoil at the thought. When my partner, Jake, finally proposed, I wondered if he was more relieved about the end of those prying questions than about my acceptance of his proposal.
From that moment on, we found ourselves under the microscope of societal expectations even more. Yes, we are married and homeowners now, which only intensified the inquiries about children. Although it’s technically the next step on “the list,” I find it impossible to escape these questions. If I post a less-than-flattering photo online, suddenly everyone wants to know if I’m expecting.
Holidays are particularly challenging. After a casual comment about a peculiar dish my dad prepared, I overheard whispers: “Is Lila pregnant?” I had to step outside to regain my composure.
Here’s the reality: we can’t conceive—not at this moment. Jake and I faced significant health challenges just four months after our wedding. Trust me, I long to share that we’re actively trying to become parents. I want to tell you that we have an ovulation calendar on our bathroom door and a stash of pregnancy tests ready for use.
But that’s not our truth. Instead, I’d have to recount the grueling effects of chemotherapy on the person I love. I witnessed his suffering from the couch for three long months, unable to ease his pain. We survived on Mexican food and pizza for weeks because that was all he could taste. I’d have to admit that we may never have children.
Every time someone asks if we’re expecting, my mind races through these memories. To spare you from the heavy reality, I often respond, “It’s in God’s hands!” because, at this juncture, it truly is.
So, next time you feel compelled to ask someone about their family plans, please refrain. Wait for them to share, or direct your curiosity elsewhere. You never know the battles they may be facing—whether it’s illness, infertility, or other life challenges. At the end of the day, it’s their business, even if you care.
For those of you still enjoying the pre-marriage and child-rearing adventures, consider this a heads-up: after you hit 25, the world seems to expect you to abandon your dreams, find a partner, and start a family. But don’t let that pressure dictate your life. Embrace your journey fully, and everything else will unfold in due time. Life is fleeting, and I’ve learned that all too well.
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Summary
This article reflects on the societal pressures surrounding marriage and parenthood while sharing a personal narrative of struggles with fertility. It emphasizes the importance of respecting individual journeys and the challenges that may lie beneath the surface.
Keyphrase: Understanding pregnancy challenges
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]