As we celebrate 100 days into kindergarten, it’s hard not to notice the amusing and adorable photos of kids on social media, resembling miniature adults. With first grade fast approaching, I find myself under increasing pressure.
My son, Max, attends a Montessori school, but he also participates in speech and occupational therapy three times a week at a local K–8 school. Recently, I was confronted by the occupational therapist who seemed frustrated, insisting that he should already be writing sentences. “What has he been doing at that other school?” she exclaimed, clearly overwhelmed.
Similarly, my friend Laura, whose child is also in kindergarten at a public school, received a note from the teacher stating, “He doesn’t know any sight words.” Until recently, I hadn’t even heard of sight words! While memorizing a list of words may boost test scores, I wonder why we are sidelining phonics and phonetic skills. I read an article on Finland’s education system, which is renowned for its effectiveness; they delay reading and writing instruction until age seven, choosing instead to prioritize play, outdoor activities, and practical life skills. Forcing boys to sit and focus on reading and writing for long periods is counterproductive to their nature.
I confess that I was an exemplary student, the ideal child from kindergarten through college. In contrast, my younger brother was the complete opposite, often sitting in a “shame seat” next to his teacher for behavioral issues. Ironically, he now holds two master’s degrees and earns significantly more than I do.
When Max was still unable to walk at 15 months, my partner reminded me that he wouldn’t be scooting into kindergarten. I’m confident that he will learn to read and find success, just at his own pace.
However, in America, parents often boast about their children’s IQ and reading levels as if competing in a race. Why the competition? We should be uplifting one another and recognizing the strengths of our friends’ children, reminding them that they are doing a great job.
Out of curiosity, I did have Max’s IQ evaluated to gain insights into some challenges he’s faced. The night before the assessment, I imagined him scoring 160. My inner protective mother thought, “That’ll show everyone! He’s a genius!” When the results came in, they were inconclusive; he refused to engage with several parts of the test, even fleeing the room in tears at one point. He enjoyed the puzzles and math sections but played coy during vocabulary questions. When asked about the word “obey,” he cheekily replied, “I’ve never heard that word before in my whole life.”
Speaking of behavior, we recently hired a behavioral coach to assist him during school. Initially hesitant, I now see the benefits of having someone who advocates for him in class, helping him to focus and redirecting him without punishment. Instead of negative reinforcement, this coach encourages Max to earn back rewards by correcting his behavior, which has yielded positive results.
Rather than discussing developmental levels or test scores, let’s focus on what our children are truly learning. Yes, my six-and-a-half-year-old may struggle with literacy and speech, but he is gaining a deeper understanding of the world around him.
Max may not yet be able to spell “Venezuela,” but he can tell you all about it. Recently, this shy and sometimes socially awkward child stood on stage and sang two songs in Spanish before an audience! He has a knack for climbing trees and shows a keen interest in math, science, and engineering, illustrating how different he is from me. Most importantly, I am proud that he is learning kindness and empathy, understanding how to connect with others regardless of their backgrounds. That’s a reason to celebrate!
In summary, we must reconsider the expectations we place on our kindergartners, recognizing that learning encompasses much more than academic achievements. Encouraging emotional growth and social skills is equally, if not more, important.
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