On a typical Sunday morning, I found myself engaged in a familiar struggle with my 9-year-old son, Oliver, over the simple task of combing his hair. It’s the one day a week I insist on this minor grooming ritual. While I want him to appear presentable, I also dislike the thought of him blending in with the other boys at church, all of whom shuffle in with disheveled hair and wrinkled shirts. It’s as if the act of looking tidy for a couple of hours is a monumental challenge for them.
As a parent, it’s frustrating to see how much potential our children hold, and we want that to be reflected both inside and out. However, the inner brilliance often overshadows the outer appearance, especially when a child shows up with their fly down.
The reality of young boys is that, regardless of the time of day, most of Oliver’s peers appear as though they’ve just rolled out of bed. Working at a university, I often worry that my son might become that one odd 20-something who strolls into my classroom with messy hair and an odor reminiscent of BO and snacks.
This particular day, Oliver was lounging in his room, sprawled on his bed and staring at the ceiling. I approached him, contemplating whether to pick my battles wisely. Part of me imagined a future scenario where he might face rejection from a girl because of his unkempt hair. I envisioned a moment where a pretty classmate would look into his blue-green eyes and say, “I can’t do this; your hair is just too embarrassing.”
Sure, he’d be upset, and I’d comfort him, but would it lead him to invest in a decent comb and some hair product? The truth is, I was projecting my own feelings onto a future that may not even happen.
I sat at the foot of his bed and gently said, “Hey buddy, this isn’t a big deal. Just comb your hair. I only ask you to do it once a week. I can even bring the comb and water bottle to you if you like.”
He dramatically waved his hands and exclaimed, “No, no, no,” reminiscent of a character in an action movie facing imminent danger. This left me questioning whether I was being too overbearing, but in reality, I was just asking him to comb his hair.
After a brief standoff, he finally agreed to at least give it a try. He ventured into the bathroom for a mere five seconds, emerging with a small, wet patch on his head, clearly the result of a half-hearted attempt to tame his wild hair.
I asked the obvious question: “Did you use a comb?”
With rolled eyes and a defeated posture, he responded, “I don’t see why I need to use a comb.” I led him back to the bathroom, and surprisingly, he didn’t resist. I dampened his hair and combed through the knots, styling it to give him a boyish charm. When we both glanced in the mirror, I smiled, and he returned a half-grin, the type he gives when he’s trying to suppress a smile.
However, just as I was about to compliment his new look, he reached up and ruffled his hair violently, reverting to his previous state. While he looked better than before, it was clear I hadn’t completely succeeded in my mission.
I crouched beside him and asked, “Is combing your hair really that bad?”
He nodded, asserting, “I just want to look the way I want to look.” While I wanted to argue about future dress codes and standards, I opted instead to let it go, hoping he would eventually come to understand the importance of presentation. I hugged him, unsure of what else to do.
Kids can be incredibly frustrating, especially over trivial matters like hair or dinner choices. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget that lessons aren’t always learned in one go but rather through a series of compromises and disagreements. I sighed and told him, “You’ll figure this out one day. I believe in you.” He rolled his eyes at my sentiment, but we both climbed into the van, ready to head to church.
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In summary, parenting often involves navigating small battles while instilling valuable lessons in our children. Comb or no comb, the journey continues.
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