Category: Lifestyle
By: Jordan Parker
Updated: July 25, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 18, 2023
I recently had a conversation with my colleague, Lisa, about a mutual friend going through a divorce. Both of us are in our mid-30s, and the details she shared were quite dramatic. Her friend, whom we’ll call Mark, was reportedly caught kissing another woman in a parking lot, leading to a furious confrontation with that woman’s husband.
“We’ve known Mark and his wife for years,” Lisa mentioned. “We celebrated holidays together, and now they’re splitting up. It feels so strange.”
We discussed how Mark and his wife didn’t have children, which might simplify things. This led us to a broader conversation on divorce. Neither of us had any intention of leaving our spouses; both of us are approaching 12 years of marriage with our partners. Yet, it seems like many of our peers are calling it quits. For about half an hour, we shared how much we cherish our spouses and the challenges of starting anew.
Reflecting on my 20s, I remembered how it felt like everyone was getting married. I spent countless weekends attending weddings, carefully choosing gifts for newlyweds, and wishing them well. Now, in my 30s, I find myself witnessing more divorces. I married at 22, which some consider young. While my wife, Sarah, and I have evolved over the past 12 years, we have also grown together. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for everyone.
Due to moving around for work, Sarah and I often keep tabs on other couples through social media. It’s puzzling to see someone we’ve known for years—whose wedding we attended and whose child we celebrated at the hospital—now listed as “single” or posting pictures with a new partner.
The situation becomes even more complex when considering that many couples in their 30s likely grew up with divorced parents. The divorce rate surged in the 1970s and 80s, impacting how we perceive relationships. My mother has been married three times, and my father passed away shortly after divorcing his fourth wife. I have numerous step-siblings and half-siblings, making family dynamics confusing. I once attempted to introduce my former stepsister to Sarah on Facebook, but I struggled to define our relationship.
Later that evening, I shared my discussion with Lisa with Sarah. I recounted the parking lot incident and we shared a laugh. She playfully asked how I would react if she kissed someone else, and I hesitated. “I don’t know; maybe I would, maybe not. I’d rather not think about it,” I admitted. “I’d like to believe we’re beyond that. Getting into a fight over something like that feels very ‘90s. I prefer to focus on moving forward.”
We were in our kitchen, preparing for the next day. Our children were absorbed in a show, and Sarah was making dinner. The quiet was unusual amidst the usual chaos of parenting. In comparison to a love triangle ending in a public brawl, our lives felt remarkably stable.
“I fight for you every day,” I told Sarah. “It might not involve physical confrontation, but it includes waking up early for work and coming home late.” I listed the various ways I contribute to our family, some of which I enjoy, others less so. “I’m not trying to sound noble, but I believe marriage is about daily commitment, not fistfights.” We took turns acknowledging each other’s contributions, and suddenly, the idea of violence seemed trivial.
But what truly occupied my mind was how divorce had shaped my childhood, and how its prevalence in my 30s made me question whether it’s a natural part of adulthood. The phrase “until death do us part” feels less binding than it once did, leading me to wonder if we’re all destined to be serial monogamists.
“Sometimes it feels like divorce is just a stage of life you have to go through,” I said. “That thought scares me because I genuinely love you, our family, and what we’ve built together.”
I’m not here to propose a solution to divorce, nor am I judging those who experience it. Marriage is undoubtedly one of the hardest challenges I’ve faced, filled with emotional complexities. What I can say is that I’m committed to fighting for my marriage, and that fight doesn’t look like a parking lot brawl. Instead, it’s about daily dedication. While it may lack excitement, this perspective makes what Sarah and I do for our family feel profoundly significant.
Sarah leaned in to kiss me. “Don’t forget, it says ‘Love you forever’ on your ring.”
And indeed, it does. Her reminder, while simple, resonates deeply with me. It affirms that the promise we made years ago still holds as much weight now as it did back then.
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In summary, as we navigate our 30s, the rising trend of divorce among peers can evoke fear and uncertainty about our own relationships. However, the commitment to daily dedication and love remains the cornerstone of a lasting marriage.
Keyphrase: Divorce in Your 30s
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