Author: Jamie Thompson
Date: Updated: August 25, 2020; Originally Published: January 29, 2017
Photography: Ramon Espelt Photography / Shutterstock
In contemplating the idea of welcoming a sister wife into my household, I find myself excited by the potential of such an arrangement. Imagine having a companion who shares the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, and even recalling the details of our last marital disagreement for mutual reference. Sign me up!
However, I recognize that welcoming someone into this dynamic requires a person with very particular traits. Here are the essential characteristics that a prospective sister wife would need to embody:
- Moderate Attractiveness: It’s crucial that my husband continues to view me as the most appealing partner. Thus, a sister wife should possess a more understated appearance—perhaps even embracing a rugged look with facial hair or unique features.
- Asexual Orientation: To avoid any romantic complications, a sister wife should be completely asexual. This eliminates any ambiguity from the relationship.
- No Desire for Children: My own kids are quite enough to manage, so it’s essential that a sister wife has no interest in adding to our family.
- Affection for My Children: You must adore my kids as much as I do, actively engaging in their playtime and enjoying their imaginative tales, even as they’re filled with confusing intricacies.
- Judgment-Free Wine Enjoyment: A sister wife should understand the occasional need for a glass of wine, even if it’s not yet 5 PM. Just kidding… or am I?
- Navigating Childlike Logic: Expect to face endless trick questions from little ones—like choosing between a blue or green blanket, only to find out you’ll receive the opposite of your answer, every time.
- High Tolerance for Sleep Deprivation: Embracing sleepless nights is a must. If you think sleep is for the weak, we might just be a perfect match.
- Appreciation for Irony: Life with kids is filled with ironies, like a child who hasn’t had an accident in years suddenly wetting the bed right after clean sheets are put on.
- Joy in Messy Tasks: A true sister wife takes pleasure in the messes of parenthood—whether it’s cleaning goo off walls or teaching table manners to unwilling participants.
- Culinary Enthusiasm: A passion for cooking is non-negotiable. Our family expects dinner daily, and creativity in meal preparation is highly valued.
- Thick Skin in the Kitchen: You should be resilient enough not to take offense when your culinary efforts are met with grumbling from the family.
- Storytelling Skills: Be prepared to read children’s books like “Holler Loudly!” repeatedly, adopting a convincing Southern accent to keep the kids engaged.
- Resourcefulness in Activities: We need someone creative, capable of suggesting entertaining activities that kids can do independently.
- Emotional Resilience: Asking a child to clean their room can often lead to tears—prepare for that emotional rollercoaster.
- Strong Stomach for Strong Smells: If you can handle the occasional unpleasant odor and consider catching vomit with your hands a talent, you might just be the one.
If you find yourself resonating with this list, congratulations! You may be the ideal candidate for my sister wife role, and I apologize in advance for the chaos that awaits.
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Summary
The idea of having a sister wife can be an intriguing family arrangement, but it requires finding a person with specific traits. These include an asexual orientation, love for children, a passion for cooking, and the ability to embrace the delightful chaos of parenting. If you think you meet these criteria, you might just be the perfect fit.
Keyphrase: sister wife qualities
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