Through exhaustive effort—yelling, pleading, demonstrating, and praying—I have come to the conclusion that the household members with whom I reside remain oblivious to the fundamental principles of laundry. Thus, I retreated to my sacred space (my closet) and emerged with a set of directives: the Ten Tenets of Laundry Management. Heed them well, my offspring.
- The Laundry Executor: I am the one who handles all laundry tasks. You must adhere to these tenets and do so cheerfully. Expressions of gratitude are always welcomed. Disobey, and you may find yourself eternally responsible for your own laundry. Remember that your clothes don’t magically appear in your drawers (well, they might be in a basket nearby). Appreciate the effort involved.
- Assess Before You Toss: Verify whether items are genuinely dirty before tossing them into the laundry. If you wore it for a mere 10 minutes, it’s not dirty. If it looks and smells fine after a day, leave it alone. And if it’s a dry clean-only garment and you lack a hanger? Still not dirty.
- New Attire Etiquette: Do not place brand new clothing into the wash. While some may argue for pre-washing new items, let’s be honest—it’s not about hygiene. It’s simply because you were too lazy to put it away. Please make the effort to either store it properly or at least remove the tags.
- Socks Should Stand Alone: Never toss paired socks into the laundry. A clump of socks won’t get cleaned and will certainly not dry. This is an obvious deception.
- Right Side Out: Always turn your clothing right side out. No one has the time to delve into leggings to retrieve socks.
- Undergarment Removal: Always extract undergarments from inside clothing before laundering. No one desires to fish out your dirty underwear from various garments. This principle applies even when wearing multiple shirts—separate them!
- Pocket Protocol: Always empty your pockets. Items left behind can either perish (farewell, Pokémon cards) or ruin other clothing (hello, black Sharpie on your favorite T-shirt). A previous laundry incident led to our washing machine’s demise due to a pocket full of change. Let’s avoid a repeat of that scenario.
- Dolls and Toys: Inform all dolls and stuffed animals that they are responsible for their own laundry unless they are genuinely soiled. I have enough to manage without taking on their laundry tasks.
- Effort Matters: At the very least, empty folded laundry from the basket before adding dirty clothes. Seeing neatly folded laundry buried under a heap of unwashed items can incite genuine frustration.
- Immediate Attention Required: Sportswear, wet towels, or any items emitting odors must be washed immediately. These should not linger; neglecting them may result in you earning the nickname “Stinky” while wearing that unwashed uniform to your next game.
One day, I may realize that you can manage these tasks independently, and I’ll strive to make that the new rule. Yet, I also understand these moments are fleeting, and I will miss doing your laundry as much as I miss those days when the baskets were filled with tiny clothes (and not tiny people). I’ll take a deep breath, remove the Legos from your pockets, and fold your favorite shirt, cherishing these moments of motherhood. Yes, even the maddening ones—like discovering tags still attached to your garments.
And all I ask in return is for you to put your laundry away.
Thanks,
Mom
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Summary
The article presents ten essential laundry commandments designed to instill proper laundry etiquette within the household. It emphasizes checking for dirtiness, handling new clothing appropriately, and ensuring that all items are prepared for washing. The author expresses a blend of humor and exasperation while reminding family members of their responsibilities. Ultimately, these commandments serve as a lighthearted approach to managing household chores, while also reflecting on the fleeting nature of parenting moments.
Keyphrase: “laundry management techniques”
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