In 2011, my spouse and I embarked on the journey to parenthood, a path riddled with unimaginable heartache and loss. As we reflect on our experiences, I often find myself answering the question of how we sustain our hope amid such profound tragedy. With 2016 behind us, I feel compelled to explore what it truly means to harness hope as we step into 2017.
Two and a half years ago, we left the hospital without our newborn son, who was stillborn due to a rare congenital condition. Unlike the typical joyous discharge, our ride home was marked by silence, punctuated only by the traffic of Boston that seemed indifferent to our grief. I closed my eyes, unable to fathom the normalcy surrounding us while we were engulfed in sorrow.
Recently, we faced another heartbreak when a woman in Kansas chose to parent her child instead of allowing us to adopt him. Once again, we returned to our quiet home, the nursery we had prepared now a poignant reminder of what might have been. I donned my headphones, but instead of music, I sought solace in silence, hoping no one would engage me in trivial conversation.
These painful journeys home are framed by a series of IVF cycles, miscarriages, and the emotional toll of adoption. Yet, we persist, fueled by hope.
Hope is both a noun and a verb, yet neither adequately captures the essence of what I mean. As a noun, hope feels abstract and elusive; ask ten people for their interpretation, and you might receive ten different responses. Conversely, when expressed as a verb, hope often feels passive—like wishing for favorable weather or hoping for a good night’s sleep. This passive hope can lead to disappointment and resentment when outcomes fall short.
In contrast, I believe that genuine hope is intertwined with the act of fighting for a better future. To hope without fighting is to expect good things to come without effort. On the other hand, fighting without hope leads to exhaustion and despair. True hope is about actively pursuing a vision of what could be, even when faced with adversity.
Strikingly, my experiences with loss have unfolded in similar timeframes. The 100 days we spent with our son, despite knowing he would not survive, were filled with love, and that same span echoed when we anticipated adopting a child. Both instances ended abruptly, leaving us to grapple with unfulfilled dreams.
Living one day at a time was essential during our darkest moments; however, as we make decisions about our future, it’s crucial to widen our perspective. If we envision a life ahead filled with possibilities, we recognize that giving up on hope today could lead to far greater sorrow in the long run. Thus, we continue to fight for our dream of parenthood, leaning on our support network when the burden feels too heavy.
In the wake of the recent election, I found inspiration in Junot Díaz’s insightful essay. He articulates the necessity of balancing fighting with hope, emphasizing the concept of “radical hope,” which transcends our current understanding. This kind of hope requires flexibility and creativity, serving as a powerful tool against despair.
As we approach 2017, it’s essential to hold onto our goals while navigating through adversity. We have faced despair throughout our journey to become parents, yet we refuse to relinquish hope.
Here’s to 2017—a year to join forces and fight alongside hope.
For those contemplating similar paths, there are valuable resources available, such as those offered by Make a Mom for at-home insemination options, and ACOG for comprehensive information on infertility treatments. Additionally, exploring boost fertility supplements can be beneficial in this journey.
In summary, 2017 represents an opportunity to actively pursue our dreams while nurturing hope in the face of challenges.
Keyphrase: hope and action in 2017
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