As parents, we often feel prepared to tackle potty training. With the help of parenting books and advice from friends who have navigated this milestone, it can seem manageable. Yet, when you embark on this journey, the reality can be quite different. There may be weeks or even months filled with accidents, behavioral changes, and endless laundry. Eventually, you celebrate your child’s newfound independence, believing the worst is behind you. However, a lesser-discussed aspect of potty training is regression, especially when it occurs after a child has started school.
I am currently facing this challenge with my daughter, Sophie, and it has unveiled unexpected facets of my emotional landscape. I find myself struggling to cope when, for the fifth time this week, she rises from the couch with damp clothing. When asked if she understands what happened, she simply states that she had an accident, often shrugging in response to how long she has known about it.
My husband and I have always assured Sophie that accidents are perfectly normal and that we would never be upset with her. Understanding the importance of avoiding shame, I wanted to ensure she felt comfortable discussing any accidents, especially since I experienced a similar situation as a child due to a bladder disorder that went undiagnosed until I was ten. The shame I felt during my childhood has stayed with me, motivating me to approach Sophie’s potty training with sensitivity and understanding. Thankfully, she has never shown embarrassment when having accidents, which I consider a small victory.
However, as her first year of junior kindergarten came to a close, life threw us a curveball. We relocated out of the city, disrupting her routine and social connections. Living amidst boxes while transitioning to a new home seemed to trigger a significant increase in her accidents. While there were days of success, she often returned from school in borrowed clothes after exhausting her change of outfits.
In our attempts to remain supportive, we explained that we were not upset, just puzzled by her inability to recognize when she needed to go. I began reminding her more frequently to use the bathroom. Despite her coordination with bowel movements, she frequently returned from the restroom claiming she couldn’t go, only to have an accident soon after.
Eventually, Sophie confided that she sometimes withheld her urge to pee because she disliked being told what to do. She also admitted to avoiding bathroom breaks at school to escape washing her hands. My heart sank when she said she couldn’t feel when she needed to go, particularly since she had never had an accident while dining out—always requesting the restroom without fail.
Now that Sophie has turned five, I suspect her fear of missing out (FOMO) might contribute to her ignoring her body’s signals. I consulted our pediatrician, who suggested the issue could be behavioral. Our daily power struggles have become exhausting; she often resists drinking water at school to avoid bathroom visits. Despite my reminders, she vehemently protests, and I find myself resorting to pleading, bargaining, and implementing reward systems. Unfortunately, these strategies yield only temporary success.
At this point, each day feels like an uphill battle. Sophie seems frustrated by something as natural as using the toilet, and I am at a loss regarding how to support her. Reasoning has not been effective, and conversations about it have provided little relief. For now, I can only hope that when well-meaning friends assure me that she won’t still be having multiple accidents in her teenage years, they are indeed correct.
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In summary, potty training regression can be a stressful experience for both children and parents. Understanding the emotional and behavioral aspects of this phase can help in navigating the challenges that arise.
Keyphrase: Potty training regression
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