Recently, I took a moment to observe my husband and children as they walked ahead of me after my daughter’s basketball game. When they reached the car, they turned back and noticed my absence. It’s a comforting feeling to be recognized, especially on days when being a mom can feel like an endless cycle of chores and driving kids around, with the added pressure of meeting everyone’s needs.
My family holds a significant place in my heart. They bring me joy and evoke emotions I didn’t know I could experience—both uplifting and challenging. They love me without conditions, and I would fiercely protect them from harm. However, despite their importance in my life, they do not complete me.
During my college years, I shared my aspirations with my roommate, expressing my desire to be married and have children by 25. We both envisioned that starting a family would somehow bring us a sense of wholeness. As we’ve matured, we’ve openly discussed the fallacy of that belief. While my husband and children have undeniably enriched my life, I have come to understand a crucial truth: the journey to feeling complete and truly happy comes from within.
I’ve realized that relying on others for my happiness only leads to disappointment. In moments when I felt that someone relied on me for their joy, my instinct was to escape. That kind of pressure is overwhelming. We might think our children are too young to sense this burden or that our spouses are meant to fill our gaps, but I’ve learned that this approach is flawed.
It is our responsibility to cultivate our own sense of fulfillment—not our children’s, partners’, or friends’. Feeling complete doesn’t equate to constant happiness. It means being authentic, knowing one’s self, upholding integrity, having the courage to say no, and surrounding oneself with people and experiences that bring joy without depending on them for it.
As I grow older, I care less about trivial matters and find greater peace within myself. I can focus on what truly makes life beautiful. I am complete. I am the one who completes myself.
As my children grow and eventually start their own families, it’s crucial that I maintain my sense of self. If I were to rely solely on them for my fulfillment, I would face loneliness when they venture out to create their own lives. I cannot—and should not—carry that burden for them. Moreover, how can I inspire them to chase their dreams and pursue lives beyond family if I’m not doing the same?
I engage in activities that nurture my soul. I write, run, enjoy painting and decorating, and I can’t sleep without diving into a good book. Connecting with friends over lunch is a priority, and I cherish one-on-one time with each of my children. I also make it a point to stay in touch with my siblings. These endeavors bring me joy because I am being true to myself and not depending on anyone else for my happiness.
We are the architects of our own happiness. I refuse to place that expectation on anyone else, nor do I want them to place it on me. Our families are indeed our foundation and our safe haven, but until we put in the effort to feel complete within ourselves, true happiness will remain elusive.
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In summary, the essence of our happiness lies within ourselves. While family plays a vital role in our lives, it is crucial for us to embark on our own journeys of self-discovery and fulfillment.
Keyphrase: self-fulfillment in family life
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