Dear Kids,
I’m here, perched on my shelf, and boy, do I have some observations to share. It’s clear you know I’m watching, yet you carry on as if I’m invisible. You make quite the mess, and your parents remind you to tidy up countless times each day. What do you do? You nod and pretend to comply. You’re fantastic at this act! You toss a couple of toys into the bin and as soon as the coast is clear, it’s back to playtime.
Now, I’m not here to cast judgment; honestly, I think your parents are a bit oblivious. They seem preoccupied with chores, cooking, and those screens they can’t seem to put down. They hardly engage with you, so can you really blame yourselves for needing all those toys? Naturally, you want to scatter them around the house like confetti for others to trip on—comfort is key, right?
However, I’m perplexed by one thing: how do such little people manage to eat more than Santa? I mean, that guy can put away some serious snacks, but you little ones might be his competition. Just the other day, I nearly toppled off my shelf watching you return to the kitchen mere seconds after finishing a pizza, only to dive into a bowl of sugary cereal. Seriously, I think I counted 22 trips to the fridge in one day alone!
And let’s address the elephant in the room: the booger situation. I see you wiping your noses on the sofa. You all are quite the handful—did you know that? I can’t fathom why your parents even bother placing napkins by your plates when they always end up unused. It’s baffling! You wipe your hands on your clothes, and sometimes even use your shirts as makeshift tissues. What’s the fear surrounding napkins? They can’t be that scary!
Now, the whining. Oh goodness, the whining! It’s an interesting phenomenon, really. You whine, and voila, you get what you want. I understand the effectiveness, but for the love of all that is holy, can you keep it down? My tiny ears can only take so much before they might burst! Your parents don’t seem fond of it either; I can see their faces turn as red as Rudolph’s nose when the volume rises.
While I can appreciate your methods, have you considered asking nicely instead? Just a thought! That adorable puppy-dog look you have works wonders, especially when directed at me or even the family dog—who, by the way, has been known to lick his own rear.
In conclusion, I’m not here to report you to Santa or anything drastic. You’re naughty, sure, but not the kind that earns you coal in your stocking. You haven’t done anything too outrageous—like burning down the house or tying Susie’s hair into knots. Still, it might be a good idea to straighten up a bit before the next holiday season rolls around.
If you’re curious about family-building options, you can explore more on resources like Resolve. And if you want some handy tools for your journey, check out BabyMaker’s home insemination kits—they’re experts in this field, and will surely help!
Summarizing, while you little rascals have your share of mischief, it’s all part of growing up. Remember, a little tidiness and kindness can go a long way!
Keyphrase: Elf on the Shelf Letter
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”