“Did that really just happen? What should I do? Maybe it wasn’t that significant… I’ll just ignore it.”
At some point in our lives, we have all encountered bullying as bystanders. These scenarios can be challenging, regardless of age, yet we often overlook how difficult it can be to take action—making it seem simple to stand up against bullying when it is not.
Our brains engage in a complex decision-making process that we typically don’t have the time to articulate, leading us to react in various ways: we might ignore the incident, laugh to defuse tension, or even lend support to the aggressor. Alternatively, we may choose to remain neutral and “stay out of it,” but this neutrality can feel anything but to the victim.
For children and teens, the challenge is magnified; they may perceive the bully as having overwhelming power. Speaking out can feel like a threat to their social standing, leading to fears of losing friendships.
Through my work with young people, I’ve learned that the decision to intervene is often influenced by their relationship with the individuals involved. When witnessing bullying among peers they don’t know well, they may hesitate to act, questioning their interpretation of the situation. If it’s serious, shouldn’t someone closer to the context step in?
Adults must acknowledge the difficulty of these moments when encouraging children to take a stand against bullying. Instead of inundating them with questions about their actions in the moment, we should recognize that if we weren’t present, we truly don’t understand the pressure they faced.
Types of Bystanding
There are two types of bystanding: reacting in the moment and recognizing a pattern of unacceptable behavior. The former requires immediate decision-making, while the latter allows for contemplation and planning a response.
Every child will find themselves in a bystander role at some point. Thus, it’s essential for them to consider beforehand the minimum action they would want to take: pulling the victim aside, distracting the bully, or saying something to halt the behavior. Visualizing a realistic response is crucial.
Typically, bystanders realize what they should have done only after the moment has passed. I remind young people that it’s never too late to address the situation. They can approach the bully later with a statement like, “What you said to that person yesterday was wrong. I didn’t react at the time because I was taken aback, but I need you to know that now.”
Confronting someone about their behavior is never easy. It requires courage to express disapproval, acknowledging that sometimes laughter is a nervous response rather than a genuine reaction to humor. Bystanders can also reach out to the victim later, apologizing for not intervening. This gesture can remind the victim that they are not alone and possibly brainstorm strategies for future incidents.
Speaking out against bullying should be based on respect for everyone’s dignity, not personal feelings toward the victim or the aggressor. If someone’s dignity is being compromised, bystanders must find the courage to act.
Safety Considerations
In some situations, intervening alone may pose a risk. If physical safety is a concern, it’s crucial to seek help from an adult. Before approaching someone, take a moment to pinpoint the nearest adult for assistance. This brief pause can greatly influence the outcome.
Ultimately, we will all find ourselves as bystanders at some point, so it’s important to cultivate empathy for one another. Supporting each other is vital in fostering an environment where everyone feels empowered to speak out.
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In summary, fostering a culture of empathy and action among children is essential. Encouraging them to consider their responses to bullying situations can empower them to support victims and create a safer environment for all.
Keyphrase: empowering children against bullying
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