The reality of parenting is that no one truly has all the answers. Despite our best efforts to instill values of kindness, responsibility, and compassion in our children, there remains a significant possibility that they may grow into individuals who diverge from our hopes and expectations. As a father of three, this uncertainty is a constant source of anxiety for me. I genuinely love my children and aspire for each of them to succeed and embody the qualities I hold dear. Ultimately, my greatest wish is for them to surpass my own shortcomings.
In my role as a university educator, I frequently introduce students to Stephen Covey’s concepts of the Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. The Circle of Concern includes all the worries we face: our health, our children, workplace issues, financial crises, or geopolitical tensions. In contrast, the Circle of Influence comprises those areas where we can exert some control.
This lesson encourages students to focus on their Circle of Influence to manage their concerns more effectively. For instance, while we can’t change the weather, we can choose to carry an umbrella. Similarly, although we may encounter unhelpful professors, we can seek alternative resources like textbooks, online materials, and study groups.
As I reflect on my primary parental concern—what kind of individuals my children will become—I can’t help but feel a weight of responsibility. What values and aspirations will they adopt? How much will I hold myself accountable if they stray from the path I envision for them? This challenge is intrinsic to parenting; although we wield influence over our children in various ways, they are ultimately independent beings whose futures lie beyond our control.
I often grapple with this reality, not from a desire to micromanage, but from the fear that my children may not grow into the remarkable individuals I believe they can be. If they falter, I know I will scrutinize my own parenting choices and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. To combat this anxiety, I’ve shifted my focus from what I cannot control (my Circle of Concern) to what I can (my Circle of Influence).
The truth is that the only aspect I can control is myself. I can model positive behavior as a father, impart valuable lessons, and demonstrate to my children how to treat others with respect. I can shape their understanding of faith and the importance of education, passions, and values. In today’s world, rife with negative influences, I recognize that I must provide a strong foundation at home. When my children eventually engage with social media or form their political beliefs, I can only hope that the principles I instill in them will guide their decisions.
To achieve this, my actions must resonate. It’s essential that I embody the qualities of a good, moral, and ethical person, as children learn significantly from observing their parents. I can’t emphasize enough that our actions profoundly influence how our children perceive the world. We must articulate our aspirations for them clearly, consistently reinforcing the values we wish to instill.
Listening is as crucial as speaking. We must support our teachings through our own behavior. Many parents are already doing this effectively, guiding their children toward a promising future and demonstrating what it means to care for others. If you are one of those parents, you are operating well within your Circle of Influence, which is perhaps the most significant contribution you can make to ensure your child reaches their potential.
As my children grow, I recognize that my perspective may evolve, especially during their teenage years. However, I often come across humorous sayings about parenting, such as the one emphasizing the need to “parent the jerk out of your kids.” While amusing, it leaves me pondering the practical implications of this statement. It seems to boil down to focusing diligently on our Circle of Control—seizing every opportunity to nurture our children into strong, moral individuals. If they still choose a path that differs from what we envisioned, we can take solace in knowing we did our utmost to provide them with a thoughtful example.
In conclusion, every parent hopes to look back with confidence, knowing they invested their efforts into raising their children well.
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