“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” – Barbara de Angelis
Recently, my husband and I took a delightful child-free weekend getaway. We attended a concert, savored exquisite meals, wandered through charming streets engaging in meaningful conversations, and stayed in a stylish hotel. It felt perfect. Just three days later, however, I found myself staring at my husband with concern and exclaimed, “I think we’re drifting apart!” He nodded in agreement, acknowledging the rut we had fallen into.
Being deeply involved in our business together can sometimes lead to this disconnection. The slow drift can occur almost imperceptibly—like the tide receding from the shore. When we spend so much time together, it’s easy to overlook the need for intentional quality time. Although we see each other constantly, we often focus on tasks, such as managing our CrossFit affiliate or running errands, rather than nurturing our relationship.
When I sense us slipping into one of these ruts, I make it a priority to address it. I believe in speaking up when I feel a distance forming, even if my husband thinks I might be overreacting. Who wants to coexist in a home where two people are merely passing through life without truly connecting? It’s possible to maintain productivity—manage our household, prepare healthy meals, raise our children, and advance our careers—while still feeling lost in a rut. This is what troubles me the most; we could be functioning on autopilot without any real emotional engagement.
To combat this, we sometimes need to establish clearer boundaries regarding work and technology. For instance, we might schedule a planning session to outline our business goals, but then prioritize a tech-free dinner followed by an indie film. It’s essential to carve out our space at home too. Our children have learned to knock before entering our bedroom, ensuring we have one area in the house reserved for just us—a necessity for maintaining our connection.
Additionally, we find joy in laughter and play. Recently, we decided we needed to reconnect, so we spent 30 minutes jumping on a trampoline, laughing until our sides hurt. Simple activities like a quiet meal, a tech-free chat over coffee, evening strolls, or even workouts can reignite that spark during moments of stagnation.
As I strive to redirect my thoughts in various areas of my life, I must also channel my energy during designated time with my spouse. Creating boundaries has become increasingly vital. We must be recognized as individuals with our own interests and perspectives, not just as business partners. After all, we are human beings, not merely human doings.
Maintaining a successful marriage is a delicate balancing act requiring intentionality. I firmly believe that happy marriages do not happen by accident; they require ongoing effort, fine-tuning, and attention. We must avoid going on autopilot and instead seize opportunities to be present as a couple.
After I raised the alarm about our rut, my husband and I took our kids to the pool, where we spent two hours discussing what was happening between us. We explored the reasons for our disconnect and brainstormed ways to improve our relationship. Neither of us was fully aware of certain behaviors that contributed to the distance until we openly communicated. Those moments of honest dialogue are what I cherish most about our marriage. After 15 years together, we recognize that drifting can happen to anyone, regardless of how strong the relationship may seem. If we achieve success in our business and raise happy children but neglect our bond—the foundation upon which we build our dreams—we risk losing sight of what truly matters.
It is our responsibility to remain attuned to the health of our marriage and to prevent ruts from taking hold.
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Summary:
Revitalizing a marriage requires intentional effort and open communication. Couples often fall into ruts when they prioritize tasks over emotional connections. Establishing boundaries, engaging in playful activities, and nurturing individual interests are essential strategies for maintaining a healthy relationship. Addressing issues promptly and fostering honest dialogue can help couples reconnect and strengthen their bond.
Keyphrase: marriage revitalization
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