During a phone conversation several years ago, my mother nonchalantly mentioned, “Oh, by the way, I have sent you something in the mail. You should receive it later this week. Are you familiar with the Elf on the Shelf? All the kids in my preschool class are raving about their elves.”
As a preschool teacher, my mother was often ahead of the curve when it came to trending Christmas gifts or toys, much to my envy. She would either take my kids to see the latest holiday movie or send delightful care packages that made me look like the ultimate mom. Typically, I appreciated her thoughtfulness.
However, in the case of Herbie Ralph, the Elf on the Shelf who joined our family five years ago, I harbor unresolved bitterness. I attribute his mischievous antics—and my ensuing holiday stress—to my mother. Sorry, Mom, but I can’t help it.
That little red felt menace has become a source of annual dread for me. Each December, I cringe knowing that I have 24 days of relocating this tiny troublemaker around the house, all to convince my kids that he has been traveling to the North Pole every night.
Honestly, my kids are incredibly gullible, and I am certain yours are too. They buy into the ruse completely, which astounds me. When they inevitably ask, “I wonder when Herbie will be back?” as fall leaves begin to fall, I shudder, knowing I’ll have to conjure up more creative scenarios to keep the little red imp engaged in festive mischief.
Sure, I start with every intention to make it fun. My children love discovering Herbie in new and imaginative setups, whether he’s being held captive by Lego figures or engaged in a snowball fight with marshmallow “snowballs.” (Don’t pretend you haven’t gone to similar lengths!) The fleeting nature of their belief in Santa intensifies my motivation to create magical moments, knowing full well that one day, I’ll be heartbroken when they no longer believe.
Still, it’s a mountain of work to make this little elf legit. Since I can’t be the only one struggling, here’s a glimpse into my month with Herbie—a sort of Captain’s log chronicling my descent into Elf on the Shelf chaos.
November 29
Where on earth did I stash that red menace?
December 1
Herbie made his grand entrance, complete with a note from Santa that thrilled the kids. They are on their best behavior since Herbie is watching with his unnerving, plastic grin.
December 2
Discovered Herbie playing Legos with a stuffed reindeer. The kids were delighted.
December 3
Herbie constructed an igloo out of cotton balls. Thank you, Pinterest, for saving me!
December 4
Herbie’s “snow angels” in flour on the counter were a hit. Note to self: Flour is a mess to clean up, and Herbie is on notice.
December 5
Herbie is perched in the Christmas tree. Doesn’t he look adorable next to the ornaments?
December 6 to 8
Herbie remains in the tree. Take that, kids!
December 11
Wine consumed. Herbie forgotten. There’s always tomorrow.
December 12
Children wail in disappointment as Herbie neglected to return from the North Pole yet again.
December 13
Spotted Herbie in a basket by the fireplace, suspiciously close to the open flames.
December 16
Heard that Sally’s elf brought Disney World tickets. Mental note: confront Sally’s mom at the next PTA meeting.
December 17
Kids are shocked to find Herbie under the minivan. No explanation.
December 18
Herbie is back in the tree. Anyone who complains will lose a Christmas present.
December 19
Hearsay indicates Jack’s elf delivered plane tickets to a Caribbean island. Kids are displeased with Herbie’s offering of candy canes.
December 21
Herbie must meet his end today. Plan: blame it on the dog.
December 23
In a drunken haze from too much eggnog at the holiday party, I contemplated tossing Herbie in the trash.
December 25
Santa has come! I collapsed in a heap on the floor, surrounded by wrapping paper and toys. Herbie is staring at me. It’s unsettling.
December 26
Return this felt menace to the North Pole where he belongs. I pray that next year will be the year my kids no longer expect this little red pest to invade our home.
As much as I despise pretending that an elf can flit back and forth to the North Pole with nothing but a sprinkle of magic, I know my time will come. One day, I’ll call one of my kids and say, “Oh, by the way, I sent you something in the mail. It should arrive Friday.” Then, my revenge will be complete.
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Summary:
This humorous account chronicles a parent’s year-long struggle with an Elf on the Shelf named Herbie Ralph, reflecting the challenges of maintaining the illusion for children during the holiday season. Through a series of entertaining entries, the author shares the ups and downs of managing Herbie’s antics, ultimately expressing a desire to end the tradition.
Keyphrase: Elf on the Shelf struggles
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