Recently, I posed a question to a newly married acquaintance about his plans for children. I expected a straightforward answer, but I was taken aback when he hesitated, clearly grappling with the societal expectation to have kids. “I know, I know,” he finally muttered, “I should have kids because they are rewarding.” It was evident that this notion had been deeply ingrained in him since his wedding day.
He glanced at me, seemingly waiting for reassurance about his obligation to procreate. But that affirmation wasn’t coming from me anytime soon. As a parent of two young children, aged 5 and 7, I felt too exhausted to persuade anyone to embark on this journey. If you’re uncertain about having kids, I say don’t. It might just make life easier for everyone involved—except for therapists, who may find their client base dwindling.
However, if you are leaning towards parenthood, it’s essential to acknowledge that the experience might not be as fulfilling as one might assume. To me, the term “rewarding” implies a sense of accomplishment gained through perseverance and hard work. Parenting, in contrast, does not exactly fit this mold.
I won’t bore you with the overwhelming challenges of new parenthood; the fatigue and discomfort are well-known. What isn’t often discussed is how quickly society’s sympathy dissipates. Once you’ve passed the newborn stage, the expectation is that your complaints should also fade. For example, there’s a parent in my building who constantly complains about construction noise while referencing his 2-year-old as a newborn. It’s almost laughable, but it illustrates the unspoken rule that once your child is past a certain age, you’re expected to keep your grievances to yourself and share only the occasional adorable tale, ideally one that’s both funny and self-deprecating.
No one openly shares the struggles of nurturing a young mind while also fearing the potential consequences of their parenting choices. The burden of responsibility can feel debilitating, leading me to question my parenting decisions constantly. I often perceive my children’s behaviors as reflections of my shortcomings, whether or not there’s a direct correlation.
I strive to follow the advice of experts. For instance, I attempt to implement the “1, 2, 3” method without losing my cool. Instead of shouting, “Stop pulling your brother’s pants down right now!” I calmly state, “You’ll keep your Barbie if you keep your hands to yourself.” By the time I reach “two,” I hope my daughter realizes I mean business. In those moments, it feels like a small victory—until I return home and am haunted by doubts, wondering if I’m raising a daughter who will struggle to assert herself.
My son, on the other hand, seems immune to this technique, and I often find myself wondering whether he will grow up to be a free spirit or a future leader. The truth is, I really can’t predict the outcome, nor do I have any guarantees about my future involvement in their lives.
Reflecting on my own upbringing, I’m reminded of my stepmother, who treated both her children the same way. Her son faced legal troubles, while her daughter thrived in her career, yet tragedy struck when she lost her life unexpectedly. Did she find parenting rewarding?
What I can definitively state is that parenting has challenged me beyond my previous limits and expanded my capacity for love, compassion, and even anger. I have never felt a love as profound as the one I have for my children.
One vivid memory comes to mind: shortly after my daughter was born, I endured a turbulent flight that left me clutching my armrests and silently crying at the thought of losing my family. The stakes feel incredibly high now, and that sense of loss looms large.
Parenting forces me to continuously self-reflect and strive for improvement. Often, I find myself falling short, only to rise again and try anew. And at times, fleeting moments remind me of the beauty in it all. I once witnessed my son selflessly help other children at a playground, and my daughter bravely invited her brother to join a soccer game when he felt left out. These instances might be seen as “rewarding.” But does that mean my initial doubts are unfounded?
I’m still unsure, as I can only speculate about how this journey will unfold.
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In summary, parenting is a complex journey filled with challenges and unexpected joys. While some moments feel profoundly fulfilling, the overall experience may not align with the traditional notion of being “rewarding.” Each parent’s experience is unique, and I remain uncertain about the ultimate outcome.
Keyphrase: parenting experience
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