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By Jamie Carter
Updated: November 16, 2023
Originally Published: November 16, 2023
As I navigated the grocery store with my 7-week-old son—my third child—I felt an overwhelming mix of nostalgia and love. Clad in yoga pants and a messy bun, I thought by now I would have mastered motherhood. Yet, exhaustion enveloped me like a heavy blanket. I couldn’t shake the feeling of longing for the simpler days when I only had two children to care for, even as my heart swelled with affection for this new little being.
It’s often unspoken among mothers that we experience complex emotions during this transitional period. The heaviness of the postpartum blues loomed over me, making it hard to breathe. My “resting mom face” likely conveyed my struggle, but most people were too focused on my baby to notice. Strangers would approach, eager to admire him, asking how he was doing, whether he was sleeping and eating well, and reminding me to cherish these fleeting moments.
Occasionally, someone would inquire about my well-being—the one who actually gave birth, the one responsible for that adorable bundle of joy. Typically, I would reply with a simple “fine,” conforming to what I thought they wanted to hear.
So, on that particular Monday afternoon, as I pushed my cart down the frozen foods aisle, a woman with salt-and-pepper curls approached me. Eager to engage, she asked to see my baby. I was ready to perform my usual act, to present my son and declare that everything was wonderful because he was my third child, and surely I had it all figured out.
But the truth was, I was struggling. I felt lost and overwhelmed, grappling with feelings I thought only new mothers experienced. Nobody had prepared me for this reality, this struggle that felt so isolating.
When she asked how I was doing, I felt compelled to be honest, yet I defaulted to my rehearsed response: “Oh, fine. He’s my third, so you know…”
She gently stopped my cart and looked me in the eyes. “Really, how are you?” she pressed. “I had five children. I fell apart after my third.”
In that moment of vulnerability, I shared my truth, admitting that even at 7 weeks postpartum, sitting down still hurt. I spoke about my sleepless nights and the overwhelming challenge of parenting a newborn. “Everyone told me it would be easier,” I confessed, “but it’s harder than my first two combined.”
She listened intently, her presence a comforting reminder that I was not alone in my struggle. “It’s okay to not be fine,” she reassured me. “It’s okay to admit that you need help.”
Her words struck a chord. I realized I often kept my struggles hidden, fearing judgment or misunderstanding. “It’s hard for me to ask for help,” I admitted.
“Don’t,” she replied candidly. “Just keep suffering if that’s what you want. You’ve been doing it this long; what’s a few more years?”
Rather than dismiss my feelings or offer platitudes, she laid out the reality of my situation: I could choose to suffer in silence or embrace the discomfort and seek help. It was a liberating perspective, and I began to recognize the importance of self-compassion.
After our conversation, I felt a little lighter as I grabbed two pints of ice cream—rocky road and peanut butter cup. I realized it was okay to acknowledge my feelings, to admit that I was struggling. It was a turning point for me, a reminder that being a mother, regardless of the number of children, is a monumental life change that deserves understanding and gentleness.
Since that day, I encourage all mothers to embrace their challenges and be kind to themselves. Parenthood is tough, whether it’s your first or fifth child. Lowering our expectations and acknowledging our struggles can lead to positive change. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but rather a step toward healing.
For further insights into motherhood and navigating the complexities of pregnancy, you might find it helpful to explore resources like CDC’s excellent guide on pregnancy. Additionally, for those considering home insemination, this guide on artificial insemination kits can provide valuable information.
Summary
In the journey of motherhood, especially after the arrival of a third child, it’s crucial to practice self-compassion. A candid encounter in a grocery store reminded me that it’s okay to admit when things are tough. Acknowledging our struggles, seeking help, and lowering expectations can significantly improve our well-being. Embracing vulnerability is not only empowering but essential in the pursuit of a healthier parenting experience.
Keyphrase: self-compassion in motherhood
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