Mothers often employ various methods of self-preservation. This can manifest in inviting a friend over for a life download or shooting a quick text to a partner asking for takeout—again. We’ve all found refuge in brief moments of solitude, even if it means retreating behind a locked bathroom door. Personally, I’ve managed my sanity through taking long baths, sipping wine, making phone calls, enjoying a comedy, grooming myself, jogging, or indulging in ice cream. Yet, there are times when self-preservation takes on the form of what could be humorously termed as “Cognitive Detachment Mom.”
To clarify, I’m not advocating for any actual surgical procedures involving ice picks; that’s not the trend these days. The term “Cognitive Detachment Mom” was introduced to me by the therapist of a friend, who was advising her on managing her children’s disputes. The therapist suggested, “Pause. Disconnect your brain from the situation. Embrace being a Cognitive Detachment Mom.”
This concept involves momentarily silencing that internal voice urging you to intervene, protect, or direct your children’s activities. While it may seem like a radical idea, practicing this form of mental disengagement can significantly enhance our well-being. Here are ten scenarios when embracing this detachment can be beneficial.
1. During Sibling Disputes
I’ve observed that when my children argue, as long as no one is getting hurt, they often resolve their differences more swiftly if I refrain from interjecting. My involvement tends to redirect their focus from resolving the conflict to trying to win me over.
2. When They’re Tackling Homework
Given that I no longer grasp their homework, it’s best to let them muddle through. Attempting to explain concepts using my outdated methods often results in confusion rather than clarity.
3. As They Dress Themselves
This is one of the hardest areas for me to step back. However, if they choose to dress in a way that seems absurd to me, that’s their choice—and I must learn to accept it.
4. While Cleaning Their Rooms
Children typically lack the skills to clean as effectively as adults. If they’re not given the opportunity to practice, they’ll never improve.
5. When They’re Playing Silently
Do you ever catch yourself wondering, “Why is it so quiet? What are they up to?” If your child is old enough to avoid dangerous behaviors, let them be. This is a mantra I often remind myself of.
6. During Slightly Dangerous Activities
I firmly believe children should have opportunities to experience risk within reason, whether it’s climbing trees, using tools, or riding bikes downhill. My own childhood included these activities, and I fear I’m depriving my kids of valuable lessons by clinging to my apprehensions.
7. When They Struggle to Make Friends at the Playground
Watching your child face rejection can be excruciating. I’ve stood by while my kids have asked others to play, only to be turned down. I can teach them skills and confidence, but ultimately, I cannot forge friendships for them.
8. When They Refuse to Wear a Coat
I recall a day when my son opted not to wear his coat and had to stay in during recess because of it. Since then, he’s never resisted wearing one again. Lesson learned.
9. While Engaging in Creative Activities
Children’s imaginations can produce the most extraordinary creations. It’s essential to resist the urge to control their vision of how things should look.
10. When They Attempt Tasks You Assigned
Even if they approach it incorrectly, allow them to complete the task. Sometimes, doing things in a flawed manner can be as instructive as doing them right.
In moments like these, we could all benefit from a little cognitive detachment. By practicing this form of mental disengagement, we empower our children to become more self-sufficient while reclaiming our own identities. Ultimately, maintaining our “self” allows us to give even more to our families.
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Summary
Mothers can greatly benefit from moments of cognitive detachment, allowing their children to navigate challenges and learn from experiences without constant intervention. This practice fosters independence in children, while also safeguarding the mother’s mental well-being.
Keyphrase: Cognitive Detachment Mom
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