In the journey of parenthood, I often find myself uttering unexpected phrases to my sons—like “Don’t stick your hand in the dog’s mouth,” or “Please don’t use your toy as a weapon.” Yet, there are certain things I firmly believe I will never say, despite the chaos that parenting may bring. Among these is the phrase “toughen up.”
In today’s world, we strive to empower our daughters, ensuring they understand they can achieve anything a boy can. The prevailing narrative encourages young girls to break free from outdated stereotypes, allowing them to embrace their ambitions without the constraints of traditional gender roles. When a girl exhibits what were once considered “masculine” traits, she is often praised for her strength and determination to defy expectations.
Conversely, our sons face the burden of societal expectations that demand they embody traits like dominance, strength, and emotional restraint. Any hint of “feminine” characteristics is often met with ridicule, branding them as weak. This imbalance is disheartening and unjust.
Having raised four sons, I recognize their true nature: they are kind, considerate, and emotionally rich beings until they are taught otherwise. Boys are born with a full spectrum of emotions—anxieties, joys, and vulnerabilities—just like anyone else. Yet, they frequently receive messages to suppress their feelings, leading to emotional turmoil that can manifest as frustration or anger. When a boy feels overwhelmed and lets his guard down, the response may often be a dismissive “toughen up” or “don’t be a wimp.”
As a woman, I have been afforded the privilege of expressing my emotions openly. Throughout my life, moments of deep sadness or empathy have brought me to tears without judgment. Should a man display similar feelings, he might be met with scorn instead of understanding.
Encouraging our sons to bottle up their emotions deprives them of vital emotional skills necessary for healthy relationships. Failure to acknowledge their feelings can hinder their ability to connect with others and understand different perspectives. Societal pressures that advocate for emotional stoicism rob boys of the opportunity to grow into well-rounded individuals who can navigate their personal and professional lives with empathy and understanding. Why would we want such limitations for the boys we cherish?
One of the greatest gifts I can provide my sons is the permission to express their emotions fully. I will never tell them to hide their tears. Instead, I will comfort them, affirming that it’s perfectly okay to feel sadness or disappointment. I will not label their interests or feelings as “inappropriate for boys.” For instance, when my 4-year-old son proudly wore his sparkly My Little Pony Crocs, I was thrilled to see him embrace what he loved, despite the opinions of others who deemed them “girl shoes.”
This commitment to emotional openness is why I will never encourage my sons to “toughen up.” As long as sensitivity, compassion, and empathy are viewed as weaknesses rather than human qualities, we are doing a disservice to both our sons and daughters. All individuals deserve the freedom to express their emotions authentically, without fear of judgment.
Boys will remain warm-hearted, feeling individuals until society pressures them to conform to a narrow definition of masculinity. It’s time we reconsider what it means to be a man.
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In summary, it is crucial for parents to nurture an environment where boys can express their emotions without fear of societal backlash. By doing so, we pave the way for healthier relationships and a more compassionate generation.
Keyphrase: Encourage Emotional Expression in Boys
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