My spouse and I were nearing the end of our honeymoon, sharing a kiss in the parking lot of a charming bakery in Quebec City. We had chosen to explore Canada, preferring to bask in the beauty of autumn rather than seek warmer weather. Being with him felt just as I had envisioned — idyllic. We were brimming with excitement for our future, unified in our dreams and desires. The thrill of being Mrs. Johnson still lingered, and I relished the chance to refer to him as “my husband” whenever possible.
As we embraced, an elegant woman strolled by, her striking gray hair elegantly pinned up and her lips painted a vibrant red. She wore jeans that accentuated her figure better than anyone I had previously encountered. Accompanied by a man, their hands intertwined, she caught my eye and held my gaze with a warm smile. Though he was speaking to her, she seemed entirely focused on me. I felt an unexpected wave of warmth wash over me, yet something compelled me to look away first. I redirected my attention to my husband, but the sensation of her presence lingered.
The following morning, I rose early to revisit the bakery, planning to surprise my husband with fresh croissants and crepes. To my surprise, the woman from the previous night was sitting alone outside. Her hair and lipstick were unchanged, though she now wore bifocals as she penned a letter. As I approached, she paused and greeted me with a gentle smile that lacked the intensity of our earlier encounter.
“I saw you last night, sharing a kiss right here,” she said.
“Yes, I’m on my honeymoon,” I replied.
“Ah, oui! The honeymoon. Please, have a seat,” she invited, gesturing to the chair beside her.
“I have been married for over 30 years. There is only one honeymoon. Once that phase ends and life begins to test your relationship, that is when you learn what your bond is truly made of.”
I had heard those words echoed by friends and acquaintances who had faced marital challenges. I believed that such struggles would never touch us; after all, we were deeply in love and had a solid plan.
“Your marriage will sometimes feel burdensome,” she continued.
“No, it won’t,” I thought. “He is my everything; we cherish each other.”
Though I didn’t want to hear her words, I remained seated. A part of me was curious, more inclined to listen than to walk away. Many years later, I have come to realize the wisdom in her message.
There will be days when communication seems impossible, moments when he does something trivial that ignites unexplained frustration — not necessarily because of the action itself, but due to its repetition. Likewise, you may find yourself irritating him, too. There will be times when you fail to show your best self, and it may feel as if you’ve lost sight of the partner you once married. You’ll have to actively fight to avoid mere coexistence. Disagreements about parenting, finances, intimacy, and even trivial chores will arise.
You may recognize that certain behaviors are damaging your relationship, yet you might persist in those actions anyway. You will learn how to hurt one another deeply. There will be days when you hope he’s ready to step in when he walks through the door after a long day, wishing for him to take charge because you feel spent. Sometimes he will, but other times he won’t, as it isn’t fair to expect him to carry the load alone. He may sense that you are relying on him as soon as he arrives home, making him want to retreat.
You may both long for the days when things felt simpler and easier, and discussing these feelings can be incredibly challenging. Your marriage will experience highs and lows, and during the lows, you may question if this is what it’s meant to be. You might even wonder if it marks the end.
However, if you navigate through the difficulties, as my spouse and I have, and learn to shoulder the burdens together — while still holding affection for one another after fighting for your relationship, yourselves, and your family — that is what constitutes a marriage.
I can’t recall every detail of the conversation with that graceful woman outside the bakery, but her presence has remained with me. I didn’t initially appreciate her insights, but something compelled me to listen. Over the years, her words have resonated with me, and I often reflect on our brief encounter, believing it was meant to impart a lesson.
While I don’t claim to be a marriage expert, after 14 years of partnership, my husband and I have gleaned valuable insights. We’ve found that when marriage feels heavy, it’s possible to share the burden, allowing your relationship to bear the weight together. Yet, there will be times when that’s not achievable. Even the happiest marriages can feel weighty, and like everything else in life, we are all trying to navigate the complexities of our relationships as best we can.
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In summary, marriage can be both beautiful and challenging, filled with moments of joy and trials that test your bond. It’s essential to acknowledge that even the happiest unions can feel burdensome, and learning to carry the weight together can strengthen your relationship.
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