When reflecting on my experience as a nursing mother, I am inundated with vivid memories: dozing off with my infant in my arms during the wee hours; battling with my breast pump as it emitted its relentless “Wheee-ooo! Whee-ooo!”; navigating my home with that cumbersome nursing pillow strapped around me like an old-time theater usher; and, of course, sitting with my child in my lap, my expression one of disbelief as another mother recounted how her baby had bitten off part of her nipple.
Before delving deeper, let me provide some context about myself. I am a mother of two and a clinical psychologist who focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for stress and anxiety. A significant portion of my practice is dedicated to supporting mothers who feel overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting. Unsurprisingly, breastfeeding often emerges as a substantial source of stress for new moms. Here are some common narratives I encounter:
- A mother desperately attempts to breastfeed but is unable due to valid reasons (e.g., her baby won’t latch, or she needs to resume antidepressant medication). She grapples with guilt about not breastfeeding and worries about the potential negative consequences of formula feeding for her child.
- Another mother consciously decides against nursing for various legitimate reasons (e.g., wanting to reclaim her body, or lacking the time or space to pump at work). She feels a sense of shame about her choice, sometimes exacerbated by the judgmental reactions of others (“You’re formula feeding? Oh.”).
- Then there are those who manage to breastfeed but are plagued with anxiety during the process. They worry whether their child is getting enough nourishment or if they are doing it correctly. They obsessively read breastfeeding guides, convinced that there exists a perfect technique that will enhance their experience.
Reflecting on my own experience, I recall the moment when I heard that shocking story of the mother whose baby had bitten off part of her nipple. I attended a local lactation support group with my ten-week-old child, and this narrative struck me deeply.
“Wait—her child BIT her nipple off? And she continued nursing?!”
This revelation made me reassess my own feelings about breastfeeding. While I was committed to it, I often found it restrictive and at times wished for an escape, even if that meant an extreme circumstance like a bite. Here was a woman so devoted that she endured significant pain. What did this say about me as a mother?
The underlying theme connecting my experience to the mothers I described is a profound sense of inadequacy and guilt. In CBT, we discuss how individuals often engage in “should”-ing, burdening themselves with self-directed expectations about what they ought to be doing. This self-imposed pressure leads directly to feelings of guilt and shame.
Many mothers grapple with these “shoulds” surrounding breastfeeding, feeling the weight of shame and guilt regardless of their decisions. In reconciling my own “shoulds,” I ultimately realized that comparing myself to that mother was unfair. I respected her decision to continue breastfeeding, but I understood that our values differed. I believed in the importance of nursing, yet I could not relate to someone who would endure such pain for the sake of breastfeeding. It became clear that my experience was unique to me.
When counseling my patients about breastfeeding, I emphasize this crucial idea: no two experiences are alike. Every mother has her own body, baby, and circumstances. Yes, breastfeeding is generally advocated by healthcare professionals; however, do they truly understand an individual’s specific situation? Would they suggest breastfeeding to someone grappling with severe postpartum depression who needs to take medication to care for her child? It is vital not to pass judgment on mothers who cannot easily incorporate nursing into their lives for whatever reason.
Your breastfeeding journey is yours alone. Do not allow others to dictate how you “should” approach it. Above all, trust in your ability to make informed choices for yourself and your baby.
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Summary
The experiences of breastfeeding can vary significantly from one mother to another, and societal pressures around nursing can lead to guilt and inadequacy. It’s essential for mothers to recognize their unique circumstances and make choices that are right for them, unencumbered by external judgments.
Keyphrase: breastfeeding experiences
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