By: Emily Johnson
Updated: Sep. 1, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 6, 2016
To all you unsettling individuals who find joy in dressing as clowns: it’s time to reconsider your choices. In a world where we face countless worries, the last thing we need is the added anxiety of menacing clowns lurking in the shadows or attempting to entice our children into the woods. And let’s address the weaponry you sometimes carry—this is not acceptable. You may unknowingly provoke someone with a serious fear of clowns who happens to have some martial arts training, and that could lead to real harm.
I appreciate a good prank as much as anyone, but these antics are genuinely terrifying. Have you read Stephen King’s It? If not, you might want to. Clowns are a serious matter, not just a source of amusement.
It seems like perhaps you’ve spent too much time immersed in online political discourse, and it’s affected your judgment. Is this clown behavior a form of protest against the absurdity of our political climate? I can understand that sentiment, but I can’t fathom how you can suit up as a clown without being horrified by your reflection. If I looked into a mirror and saw a clown, I think that would be the end of me.
And how do you manage to sleep after stripping off the clown gear? I would be haunted by visions of my disembodied clown mask roaming the floor towards me. Every noise would become my clown outfit deciding to emerge from the closet—just thinking about it sends chills down my spine. Good luck getting a restful night, clown enthusiasts; I hope your imagination isn’t as vivid as mine.
For the sake of sanity, let’s declare Halloween a clown-free zone. No clowns, whether they’re cheerful, sorrowful, or grotesque with their jagged teeth. No baby clowns or quirky elder clowns, please. I don’t want any orange wigs trailing behind me while I’m out trick-or-treating with my kids. My tolerance has hit rock bottom, and I can’t guarantee my response if I encounter a clown. Adrenaline can make even the smallest of us quite formidable.
Furthermore, let’s agree to avoid genuinely terrifying others. Karma is real, and while you might find humor in scaring people, it’s worth considering the consequences. Avoid any old carnivals or dilapidated circus trains, lest you run into the real thing. I wouldn’t want to provoke any vengeful clowns who might take offense at your mockery.
So, there you have it. I hope that now, all you unsettling clown enthusiasts are also a bit apprehensive about closing your eyes at night or wandering past dark woods. Welcome to the club.
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In summary, let’s keep Halloween clown-free for everyone’s peace of mind.
Keyphrase: Halloween clown-free zone
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