Most people would characterize me as outgoing and engaged. On particularly good days, I thrive in the company of friends and family. I often bring my best efforts to motherhood (or at least manage to put on a convincing facade), and I am generally present both physically and emotionally as a devoted wife, mother, daughter, and friend.
But not today.
Today feels akin to being submerged in a pitch-black hole. Such days are rare, yet they occur more often than I wish to acknowledge. You know those moments when you simply cannot be the parent you aspire to be, but you can’t quite grasp why? These are the times when I shut down, focusing only on the bare essentials of life.
Days like this can feel overwhelmingly dark.
They envelop me and leave me feeling disoriented. I have zero interest in answering phone calls or sifting through emails. The weight of the world seems too heavy to bear. All I wish for is to curl up in bed, cocooned under the covers, and hide from everything outside.
I can’t pinpoint what made today so challenging. Perhaps it was my son waking up multiple times last night due to nightmares. Or maybe it’s the broken air conditioner that’s been out of commission for a week. I also endured a torrential downpour while trying to get my blood drawn, which resulted in my son’s iPad dying unexpectedly. To top it all off, I’m grappling with significant anxiety about impending thunderstorms, and the thought of being trapped at home for the week is enough to send me over the edge.
It could be a blend of these factors or perhaps none of them at all.
Life is always throwing challenges our way, and as mothers, we learn to adapt and thrive amidst the chaos. Most days, we rise to the occasion and perform like rock stars. But there are days when the weight of our circumstances overwhelms us—not because we’re incapable, but because we simply don’t want to engage. We yearn for a retreat to recharge and gather ourselves, but responsibilities tether us to the ground.
The truth is, there are tasks that must be tackled regardless of our mental state.
Meals need to be cooked. Drinks must be served. Children require assistance with the most mundane of tasks—like wiping, cleaning, and even retrieving toys from the depths of the toilet. We find ourselves dealing with messes that seem endless, from cleaning up spills to preparing snacks.
Ultimately, these little ones rely on us, and no matter how trivial the tasks may seem, they can’t manage without our help. In doing so, we often present a diminished version of ourselves to our children. I have come to terms with this reality.
It’s unrealistic to expect a mother to be “on” every single day. Some days are just plain difficult, and it’s essential to reconcile the good with the bad. This doesn’t indicate that we are flawed; it simply highlights our humanity. Perfection is an illusion—those mothers who appear to have it all together every day are likely just putting on a show.
There’s no way they can conjure a nutritious, organic meal when all they want is to collapse on the floor, or organize engaging activities when all they can think about is hiding in the closet. Maintaining calmness and patience while feeling like we might explode inside? Impossible.
On days like today, I’ve learned to embrace survival mode in my parenting approach, and I’m okay with skipping the usual routines.
I’m fine with offering my son canned soup and letting him watch the iPad. I’m okay with him spending the entire day in his pajamas, feeding the cat half of his sandwich, and scattering crumbs all over the house. I’m okay with letting him run wild, turning each room into a disaster zone. I’m okay canceling playdates because social interaction feels too daunting today. I’m okay asking my partner to come home early from work because I’m on the brink of losing it.
Moms wake up on the wrong side of the bed, too. We experience our fair share of tough days, and it’s vital that we allow ourselves the grace to have those moments without guilt. Sometimes, a mother just needs space to breathe. I know that tomorrow will likely bring a fresh perspective, or perhaps it won’t.
But for today, I just need to float a little while without judgment—from others or, most importantly, from myself.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of parenting can be overwhelming and imperfect. It’s important to recognize that we all have our off days, and that’s completely normal. Embracing these moments allows us to recharge and ultimately, become better versions of ourselves.
Keyphrase: Parenting in Survival Mode
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