22 Justifications My Children Use to Avoid Eating

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In our household, children under four feet tall have strict criteria for what qualifies as food:

1. It must be candy.
2. It can only be cheese, ideally without the tortilla in a quesadilla.
3. The food must be introduced as something a certain animal would eat after they pick their “spirit animal” for the day.
4. It must be consumed only if someone else shows interest in it.

This, of course, does not apply to our pets. While our cats fit the height requirement, they’re indifferent to candy and cheese, living as their true selves.

Every meal turns into a vibrant protest scene in our home. At least a dozen times each week, tiny activists present finger-painted signs demanding more sweets and less of the nutritious options. Even when they pick their meals, they often backtrack. For instance, one child might declare, “I want Cocoa Puffs for breakfast, but I won’t eat them because I had a dream that milk tasted funny.”

So, what’s the reason they refuse to eat their grapes and grilled cheese? Simply put, they’re kids, and kids are experts at finding excuses. Here are 22 justifications I hear frequently:

1. I need to save it for later. This translates to, “Later, I’ll request something completely different, like popcorn.” If I offer the original meal later, it often gets consumed so they can have a real snack.
2. I don’t like food. (While reaching for a bag of sour gummy worms.)
3. I only want milk. The plan here is to drink enough milk to feel full and avoid actual food altogether.
4. My breakfast is gross. When cereal becomes soggy, it changes texture, and watching it dissolve is not appetizing. Lesson learned: Eat your cereal while it’s still crunchy.
5. My dinner is gross. Everything that isn’t candy is considered “gross.” Dousing food in ketchup doesn’t help its appeal, either.
6. I don’t like carrots anymore. Kids often change their minds about vegetables without warning. It’s wise to have a backup plan, like sneaking veggies into smoothies.
7. I’m not hungry. It’s baffling how toddlers can thrive on just a seedless grape for days yet still have boundless energy.
8. I don’t care if I eat. Their apathy extends to clothing and potty training, reflecting a carefree toddler lifestyle.
9. I only like straight noodles, not the bendy ones. Apparently, these noodles somehow taste worse, even though they’re covered in cheese.
10. I just want to play outside. Out there, food options are limited, apart from the occasional piece of grass.
11. I’m busy. You’re four, what could possibly be keeping you so occupied?
12. No, thanks. This isn’t really an excuse, but a definitive rejection. It rarely works for them, even as they try.
13. I just want peanut butter. This is a win for protein, so I don’t argue.
14. The bread is too white. Meanwhile, the wheat bread is too brown. It’s a never-ending debate.
15. I don’t like this. “This” refers to anything except sour gummy worms or grass.
16. I’m just eating yogurt from now on. Yogurt is healthy, but the M&Ms mixed in are not.
17. Peas are super bad for you. The only real issue with peas is how they roll away when dropped.
18. My toast is too crunchy. If your toaster is overly efficient, this can become a problem.
19. This isn’t chicken; it’s not dinosaur-shaped. This is when I give them a brief biology lesson about chicken’s ancestry.
20. My fruit is touching my sandwich. In the past, my parents might have encouraged me to eat it regardless, but I prefer a gentler approach.
21. You don’t have green beans on your plate. My response is simple: “I’m not growing taller, just wider.”
22. My cereal is cold. This excuse is rare, as their cereal usually sits long enough to turn into something unrecognizable.

Like naps and timeouts, the reasons my kids shy away from food are perplexing. I love to eat — and naps. I sometimes wish for a few hundred timeouts simply for the peace and quiet. However, I must give them credit for their persistence; it far exceeds my own childhood efforts, which typically involved staring at my plate until bedtime.

In conclusion, while these excuses may seem trivial, they reflect the complex relationship kids have with food. Perhaps if they could enjoy the basics we offer, mealtimes would be simpler for everyone involved. After all, we’ve streamlined our food options significantly, leaving very few surprises on the table.

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Summary: This article humorously outlines the various excuses children provide to avoid eating, ranging from preferences for candy to the absurdities of texture and temperature. It highlights the challenges parents face during mealtimes while showcasing the whimsical logic of kids.

Keyphrase: kids excuses for not eating

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