Today marks five years since my mother passed away. The annual remembrance of her loss continues to evoke a mix of astonishment and contemplation about the relentless march of time. In the past four years, I’ve shared my thoughts on this occasion, focusing particularly on my children, for nothing sharpens a mother’s understanding quite like grief and loss.
Time seems to stand still for a moment: young boys transforming into young men with unexpected facial hair, teenage girls evolving into captivating young women (complete with — yikes! — boyfriends), and the calendar filling up with ever-increasing commitments. If only we had a dollar for every friend who asks, “Where did the time go?” on social media; it’s a daily occurrence.
This year, however, I feel a subtle change within me. While I still marvel at how quickly time passes (and yes, I’m still in disbelief that I can now legally enjoy a drink with half of my children), I find myself less consumed by its speed and more at ease with its continuity. I appreciate the idea of what lies ahead, whether known or unknown. This newfound perspective fills me with anticipation and hope, even on challenging days.
With each passing moment, we celebrate milestones — graduations, college acceptances, engagements, new careers, and even a stubborn boy finally getting a haircut. There’s an abundance of joy in our lives, and to ignore it would almost feel unjust. I must admit, if my mother were aware that anything other than happiness surrounded her grandchildren, she would be quite upset.
While I miss her deeply, I can’t remain sad for long; that’s just not her style.
A significant part of this mindset shift coincided with my milestone birthday — turning 50. Fifty! It’s almost unfathomable. I can still picture the T-shirt I wore that proclaimed, “We work less and party more, cuz we’re the class of ’84.” Reflecting on this milestone brings back memories of planning her 50th surprise party, where we crammed friends into my tiny apartment for a keg party. Although she didn’t drink beer, we did, and she was both thrilled and a bit annoyed — especially since her grandchild didn’t attend. Yet love surrounded her until the very end.
On these anniversaries, I think about the friends she left behind, feeling a profound sadness for their loss. They share in a void that is deeply felt. She taught me well how to curate meaningful friendships, and I have surrounded myself with those who genuinely care. Some are just a phone call away, others a short drive, and a few might even require a plane ride on a whim.
Growing up, I adored reading the works of Erma Bombeck. I remember once clipping a column titled “No Greater Friend Than a Best Friend” and sending it to my childhood best friend, Mia. Despite the geographical distances over the years, it became a cherished keepsake that traveled back to me on my 30th birthday, and I made sure to frame it for her 40th. Now, it’s returned to me yet again, set to hang on my wall for another decade.
How incredibly fortunate I am to have maintained a friendship of over 40 years! How wonderful it is that my mother is remembered so fondly by so many! And how amusing it is that my own children didn’t organize my 50th celebrations (just kidding, I took charge of every detail!).
I think of her every single day, but today, I choose to honor her memory. You’re in the hearts of many today, Mom.
Cheers and love.
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Summary:
In this poignant reflection, a daughter shares her journey of navigating grief following her mother’s death five years ago. As time passes, she finds solace in celebrating the growth of her children and cherishing memories of her mother. This narrative emphasizes the importance of friendship and the joy that continues to flourish in her life, all while honoring her mother’s enduring legacy.
Keyphrase: maternal wisdom and legacy
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