In a recent incident, I received a phone call from my daughter Emma’s science instructor expressing concern over Emma’s performance in class. Typically a bright student who excels in her studies, Emma had been unusually quiet and emotional during lessons, particularly when faced with challenging topics. After discussing the matter with her, I was taken aback by her revelation.
Emma confided in me that she felt too intimidated to admit her confusion to the teacher. Instead of asking for help, she chose to remain silent, even shedding tears. “Mom, I just don’t have the strength to speak up like you do,” she told me, which struck a chord deep within. It dawned on me that while I am naturally outspoken, I had assumed Emma would easily possess the same confidence. It became clear that articulating one’s thoughts and feelings is a skill that must be nurtured. I realized it was crucial to equip her with the tools she needed to express herself assertively and positively.
Here’s my approach to empowering Emma to find her voice:
- Eliminate Unnecessary Apologies
While teaching Emma the importance of genuine apologies when she’s hurt someone, I also want her to drop phrases like “I’m sorry, but…” or “Sorry to bother you…”. I aim to instill the belief that her opinions are valid and that she shouldn’t feel the need to apologize for contributing to discussions or sharing her thoughts. - Encourage Questioning Authority
If Emma feels wronged, whether in social situations or academic settings, I want her to express herself assertively, even if it means confronting authority figures. Learning to articulate her feelings from an early age will empower her to advocate for herself in future scenarios, such as negotiating a promotion or standing her ground in any situation. - Reinforce the Right to Choose Her Reactions
I want Emma to understand that she is not obligated to smile or engage with anyone—especially when it comes to unsolicited comments from strangers. It’s essential for her to know that she has autonomy over her own body and emotions, and she should feel free to express any mood without feeling pressured to conform to someone else’s expectations. - Instill the Importance of Speaking Out
After an unsettling encounter with a stranger, Emma initially felt compelled to be polite rather than assertive. Since then, we have practiced how to use her voice forcefully, developing phrases she can use if she feels threatened. This practice helps her build confidence in expressing herself clearly and strongly when necessary. - Help Her Identify Her Support System
Recently, when I took Emma to a themed event, she exclaimed, “These are my people!” upon seeing others in costume. I want her to recognize and cherish those who uplift and support her. Life is too short to invest time in relationships that don’t enrich her journey, and I hope she holds onto those who genuinely care for her.
Not long after our conversation about her hesitations in class, Emma excitedly entered the kitchen holding her latest science test with a perfect score. As I embraced her, she exclaimed, “I’m going to speak up more often, Mom! This feels amazing!”
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In summary, empowering a daughter to express herself confidently involves helping her eliminate unnecessary apologies, encouraging her to question authority, reinforcing her right to choose her reactions, teaching her to speak out when needed, and guiding her to find her supportive community.
Keyphrase: Raising a confident daughter
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